17 things about the ChaliceWedding

Various people have been decrying the bigass modern wedding. Well, the CSO and I just did one November 27 and we had the time of our lives. Here’s how it went:


1. The ceremony was held, after some debate on the issue, at the
ChaliceParents' church, a gorgeous gothic Cathedral right outside
Dupont Circle in Washington, DC. Having a humanist wedding in a
Presbyterian church took a bit of doing, but we managed it.
2. Katy-the-Wise officiated, naturally.
3. Katy couldn't fly in until the day of due to preparations for the Conference on the Free Church, so CC ran the rehearsal
herself. Thanks to her trusty copy of "Miss Manners on Weddings," she
only had to say "Has anybody ever been to a wedding before? How does
THIS happen?" once.
4. The script of the ceremony is below. Instead of flowers, the
Bridesmaids carried candles because CC had observed in a Presbyterian
Christmas Eve service as a child that people carrying fire look like
they are doing serious business and she wanted her bridesmaids to have
this look.
5. Less than an hour before the ceremony, CC was barefoot and in jeans
setting up place cards for the reception. She had to be marched
upstairs by the photographer to dress, but the ceremony still started
on time.
5a. The CSO had instructed the photographer to feel free to get pictures of CC changing into her wedding gown. A picture of CC holding the gown up to cover her breasts with a “Wouldn’t it be awful if someone THREW ME IN THE POOL? Please don’t THROW ME IN THE POOL? AH! This big handsome guy is THROWING ME IN THE POOL! I’m going to get my WHITE T-SHIRT WET!” sort of expression of lusty mock consternation made for the best bride picture, though for some reason the ChaliceMom prefers the one of CC in the church with the stained glass windows behind her.
6. CC carried a large bunch of white roses purchased at Costco the day
of the wedding. We're not a floral couple, the CSO and me.
7. The maid of honor carried a big candelabra because she thought it
would look cool. But she hadn't carried it in the rehearsal, so the
bridesmaid who took it when CC handed off the bouquet didn't know how
heavy it was and nearly fell over when the maid of honor handed it to
her. No wedding photos caught this, but the maid of honor swears it
was hilarious.
8. There were five bridesmaids because CC has lots of important people
in her life. There were five groomsmen because the CSO does too. CC
bought a bazillion yards of ice blue silk Dupioni and mailed it out
to the bridesmaids, who each had a dress made that looked good on
them.
9. CC bought ice blue and indigo crystal necklaces made by a friend
for all of the bridesmaids and herself, but had a fight with the
friend a month before the wedding and didn't wear hers in the
ceremony. How very mature.
10. Katy-the-wise sent CC a huge list of ceremony elements with some
12 introductions, 10 sets of vows, etc. CC and the CSO picked what
they liked and got it approved by Katy. No one else saw the ceremony
before the wedding.
11. The readings were selected by the people who read them, though Joe
asked for a list of suggestions and Don ended up writing his.
12. Seven ministers were invited, three attended.
13. Though CC was escorted down the aisle by her father, both parents
of both bride and groom blessed the union. Nobody got given away.
14. The organist was a music librarian from the library of congress
and kicked complete ass.
15. At the reception, guests ate salmon and chicken, CC and the CSO east coast swung to Nat King Cole’s “L-O-V-E,” CC and the ChaliceDad Viennese Waltzed to “Tales from the Vienna Wood,” there were toasts and a cake-cutting and CC tossed the bouquet. CC had seated two of her high school teachers with her current co-workers and her boss told her later that the teachers had mentioned that they were a bit disappointed that the unconventional CC had taken such a traditional approach to getting married. That CC just wanted to show that the Chalicefamily could do one rite of passage like normal people will not be surprise to anyone who has been reading this blog for longer than, oh, the last two posts.
16. The reception was winter-themed. The room was decorated in Ice blue and indigo and the cake was shaped like an iceberg and had little wooden penguins on it, with a penguin bride and groom at the top who were wearing little paperclip glasses. The cake was only enough for 25 and we had a variety of types of cake in addition. The CSO painted the penguins himself as they were actually owls made of gourds.
17. Instead of Jordan Almonds, CC and the CSO had a pair of Alpaca Mittens at every place setting for favors. CC got a deal on them online and in the weeks leading up to the wedding greatly enjoyed complaining that her wedding favors were held up in Brazil.

The ChaliceWedding

Since Scott at Boy in the Bands is talkin' wedding, I thought I'd post the script from mine.

Yep, she's a humanist.


INTRODUCTION
It is one of life's richest surprises when the accidental meeting of two lives leads them to proceed together along the common path of husband and wife, and it is one of life's finest experiences when a casual relationship grows into a permanent bond of love. This meeting and this growth bring us together today.

FAMILY
Members of the families of both the bride and groom are here today being constant in their love for these two people before us.

Gary and Carolyn, will you pledge the goodwill of these families to this couple, and will you present your daughter Suzyn, for marriage to Ian?

I will.

Leigh and Barry, will you pledge the goodwill of these families to this couple, and will you present your son Ian, for marriage to Suzyn?

I will.

DEDICATION
We are gathered here to unite in the bonds of matrimony two persons, who in mutual love and trust, have resolved to unite their lives that they may better accomplish our great human task of complete and noble living.

The ceremony which we are about to perform will not unite you in marriage. Only you can do that. The union which you are here about to publicly formalize is not a casual one, and not one to be taken lightly, but one of the most important into which you will ever enter. If the relationship between two people which is symbolized in our culture by the state of marriage does not already exist between you, this ceremony will not create it. This ceremony is the public announcement of the existence of that bond. The state or the church can but give its recognition to the bond between you -- they have no power to create it. As you give public announcement to the existence of the bond uniting you by means of the ceremony which we are about to perform, be ever mindful that you -- not an official, not the state, not the public -- created this marriage.

READINGS
Pam Case:

1 Corinthians 13

Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.



Joe Harris:

When two individuals meet, so do two private worlds. None of our private worlds is big enough for us to live a wholesome life in. We need the wider world of joy and wonder, of purpose and venture, of toil and tears. What are we, any of us, but strangers and sojourners forlornly wandering through the night time until we draw together and find the meaning of our lives in one another, dissolving the fears in each others courage, making music together and lighting torches to guide us through the dark? We belong together. Love is what we need. To love and to be loved. Let our hearts be open' and what we would receive from others, let us give. For what is given still remains to bless the giver -- when the gift is love.

-A. Powell Davies


Don Cooper:

I knew some time ago that Ian and Suzyn expected me to contribute a reading to their wedding. Although I looked extensively for a suitable one, I couldn’t find one that matched well what I wanted to say. Last Tuesday evening, Suzyn and Ian saved me the trouble of coming up with a suitable reading. Accidentally, I overheard a discussion between the two of them, both tired after a long day. At first, a voice was raised, partly frustrated and upset. Then the voices quieted, wedding details were sorted out between the two of them, plans and assignments were changed. Their voices grew more comfortable, and there were laughing and happy exchanges between them. By the time Ian came into the bedroom where I have been staying to check a detail, I realized something fundamental about what I had just overheard.
During the years that Suzyn and Ian have been together, they have learned to work together, to play together, and to love one another. They have made a marriage. Today, we, among their friends, coworkers, teachers, relatives, and other members of their human community, have assembled to wish them joy in the marriage that they have created.

VOWS
A marriage ceremony does not create a relationship; it only recognizes what has already developed. We are here today, then, to celebrate the love which Suzyn and Ian have for each other, and to give social recognition to their decision to accept each other totally. Into this state of marriage, these two people have come to be united.

Ian, will you have this woman to be your wife, to live together in marriage; will you love her, comfort her, honor her and keep her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live?

I will.

Suzyn, will you have this man to be your husband, to live together in marriage; will you love him, comfort him, honor him and keep him, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live?

I will.

RING CEREMONY
What shall be the token of this pledge?

Groom: This ring. With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow.

Bride: This ring. With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow.

Let the love, patience and craftsmanship which tamed these rings serve as a model for your marriage. Let these rings be an outward expression of your inner affection, and may these rings ever be a reminder of the past, a devotion to the present, and a confidence in the future.

PRAYER
Out of this tangled world two souls have found each other; a mutual love has drawn them firmly together; and, joining in marriage, they have pledged each to the other their faith. Their destinies shall now be woven of one design, and their perils and their joys shall not be known apart. As they increase in mutual understanding, may their joy stand victoriously against the storm of circumstances which beats impartially at all people's doors. From the rich encouragement of their affection may they complete the unfinished patterns of their true selves. Even as they have chosen each other from the world's multitudes, so let the days and years, now veiled by time, deepen the joy of that choice, and make it abidingly true.


PRONOUNCEMENT
Forasmuch as you have made your mutual pledges, and have given and received rings in token of the same, I, by virtue of the authority vested in me, pronounce you husband and wife. May all that is noble, lovely and true abide with you forever.

KISS
(I’ll leave appropriate wording to Katy)

BENEDICTION
Nothing else matters much --
not wealth, nor learning,
nor even health --
without this gift:
the spiritual capacity to keep
zest in living.

This is the creed of creeds,
the final deposit and distillation
of all human faith:

That we should be able to believe in life.

Various thoughts on crime

What's up with CC's brother?

A few people at the blog con asked. (Which is not at all a problem, after all, I brought it up.)

Jason will have to go to jail for six months unless the ChaliceMom writes a big check. Knowing her, the check is in the mail already.

Oliver is awaiting arraignment. The minimum punishment in VA runs about 6 years, but he thinks he can get around it. Of course, that sort of person thinks he can get around a lot of stuff.

By far the worst part for me is the impact on the ChaliceMom. Both because it has depressed her and because she has adopted a sort of "He may have told US he did thing A, but the lawyers might not be able to PROVE IT. How can we help him get away with as much as possible?" mindset more suited to a reasonable-doubt-for-a-reasonable-fee-defense-lawyer than CC's earliest source of moral authority.

Still, she's the kid's mom so perhaps it is unreasonable to expect anything different.

Latest Clip.

Has anybody figured out the motive for the crimes in The Night that the Lights Went out in Georgia?

I never have.

Also
Grr.

I wrote to a friend recently, saying of something his ex-wife used to say "It's a measure of her rhetorical skill that she can make a statement so brief that's annoying on so many levels."

That's about how I feel about these letters.

CC

Blog Reviews as a Hangover Cure

My usual column from Coffee Hour


Don't ask

Just don’t.

Chutney is actually suggesting that the Seven Principles don't suck.

Weird.

So... Why is it that one’s stomach contents enter one’s digestive tract within like two hours (amazing what a girl learns watching CSI), but when one drinks too much, one can start throwing up seven hours after one stops drinking?

Beth is dealing with someone who is throwing up, too. This is an extremely barf-heavy set of blog reviews today, and I am not at all referring to my reaction to the actual blogs.

OK, it’s because I’m not throwing up because my body thinks it’s getting alcohol poisoning, I’m throwing up because I’ve irritated my stomach lining. It’s not that I don’t understand it, I just find it incredibly unfair.

He's so fresh that I wanna get with 'im,
cause he's the Mac Daddy of Cathol-i-cism.
He's the Pope!
and boy, are we UUs talking about the man. Dan is.
James is. Chutney is. Peacebang is. Rick is.


Please don’t, like, write me and suggest AA or Rational Recovery. I swear to God the last time I made myself sick from drinking was New Year’s Eve of 2003, and the fact that it’s early Friday morning doesn’t have its typical significance since I’m on a long-weekend vacation.

Minstrare is back and he's discussing Universalism, a concept I still have trouble applying to my brother.

This is a vacation where I flew, you see. CC is not such a great flier and usually has a little something to calm her nerves. But she’d had a really long week at work and calmed her nerves excessively.

Returning is gushing about the admittedly gush-worthy Neil Gaiman, author of the coolest comic book series ever, some very spiff novels and an all around kickass human being. ObiJuan (heh, just got that.) does a nice job making it about more than just Neil Gaiman, and his post is actually a nice bit about our reaction to celebrity. CC personally has sneezed on Clyde Edgerton, for example, though she was really sick and didn't mean to and felt bad. Karen Armstrong isn't very interesting in person and has British teeth. Gloria Steinem isn't very interesting, but her teeth are first rate.

Oh, and Harlan Ellison was for awhile trying to nail my friend's girlfriend when she was a model in LA a few decades ago. The girlfriend had no appreciation whatsoever of how cool this was.

I swear I will never do this again. No, I mean, I will never drink so much again. I’ll be back with more blog reviews next Thursday. Or, you know, Saturday. Or maybe the Saturday after that. Anyway, yeah, you'll hear from me.

Personal to Ed-who-cooks

You sucketh mightily.

May the twin axes of Hrothgar bury themselves in your crotch.

No, seriously, dude. I'm pissed. Never call me. Ever.

CC

Simple Signs

When CC worked in South Carolina, she was frequently bummed out. She'd achieved her dream job and it wasn't making her happy, she was terribly lonely without the CSO, she barely made enough to live on and she'd made a best friend only to watch that person move away.

That was when she would drive 60 miles to go to her "local" UU church, every Sunday, absolutely without fail.

In the South, the custom is to have message boards outside each church with a mildly wiseass Christian message, the sort of thing that the ChaliceMom thinks is terribly clever. (E.g "Forbidden fruit creates many jams," "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church" and the ever-popular "Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.")

CC got used to these and even delighted in the funnier ones. Next roadtrip she takes down South, she will post the coolest examples here.

But there was one sign that always got me.

It was a Baptist church on a hill just before the city limits. The sign, every week, without fail, read:

Jesus loves you.
We love you.
Keep Smiling.

Yes, they were Baptists, and probably Conservative ones at that, and your friend the cranky humanist did her best to convince herself that if they knew her, really knew her, they wouldn't love her. Jesus probably wouldn't be too fond of her either.

Yet somehow, I kept smiling anyway.

I cannot tell you what that sign did for me and how many bad days it got me through. In some ways, it was a preparation for coming to my church and preparing to be taken in to the community of loveable oddballs that UU churches in very conservative places attract. (And I was certainly as oddball as any of them.)

The talk about UU elevator speeches is all well and good, but I find sometimes what what I need more in a short phrase about UUism is something that keeps me going, a message that really captures the feeling of being surrounded by people who are at once challenging and accepting. Something simple and beautiful and subtle in its power.

I'm liking Ministrare's version:

You are loved.
You are good.
You can make a difference.

I like to display my own cleverness as much, or even more, than the average UU. But tonight I'm thinking about the signs I show the world, and hoping that I can keep my message simple and beautiful, at least some of the time.

CC

Now THAT's depressing

Perigrinato is discussing theological topics that I can't even pronounce.

Ah well.

CC

Word to the wise.

You can:

A. Have a brother in legal difficulty who is pretty much a black hole for sympathy, attention and money from your entire family.
B. Buy a house.
C. Get jarring reminders that your folks are only human, and indeed, only mortal.
D. Have your job responsibilities suddenly double, if only temporarily.
E. Have your spouse be out of town for two weeks.

But if you're smart, you won't have all that happening in the same week.

Not meaning to whine, or dump my problems in the lap of anyone foolish enough to stop by and read this blog, but Jeezum Crow life is weird right now.

This is probably a sign that I am going nuts, but recently I've had this daydream that I am Atlas, and I lose grip of the world. I feel it roll down my back and it bounces, sounding like a marble, then rolls away, rapidly shrinking in the distance.

But sequence ravelled out of reach Like balls upon a floor

CC
who is fine, really, but felt like writing it all out to see what it looked like on her computer screen.

That's about right

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English

35% Yankee

15% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

The Big Book of Everything

So a co-worker of the CSO's wrote this.

It's his autobiography.

Yup, the crazy bastard wrote his autobiography and had it published by a vanity press. What gets me is that Amazon has 23 used copies for sale.

Having read it, I have to say that the guy could have used an editor. But regular readers of this blog know I could use one too. Can't really fault him there.

I can't say he tells his story in the pretty prose that I think I would use. That he thinks "How I stopped worrying and learned to love the sheep" is a subtle and clever reference to Dr. Strangelove is symptomatic of the sophomoric* tone he uses to tell his truths.

But I have to give him props for telling such truths at all.

When I was a kid, I imagined that in heaven there was a "big book of everything" in which one could look up how everything in the world worked, what had happened in every situation and the literal truth of everyone's life, both objectively and how they saw it.

To some degree, I used this image to keep myself in line. I oscillated between fascination with the ideas of reading the lives of others and worry that my own dramas would make good reading.

I still feel like I carry a bunch of ticking bombs within and that the world would to some degree fall to pieces if various people in my life found out how slutty, scared, incompetent, unpopular, selfish and stupid I can be. I intellectually understand that everyone has weaknesses, but I feel my own weaknesses.

It's not a great book, this thing the CSO's friend wrote. It's sophomoric and downright narcissistic. But I've been sophomoric and downright narcissistic a lot of times without ever getting a book out of it.

And without ever telling the truth.

CC

*But after all, what are twentysomethings but life's sophomores, the "wise fools" who are so freaking glad to not be teenagers anymore that they fool themselves much of the time into thinking that they have a clue what's going on. I maintain that illusion for whole hours at a time.

CC's pick for Pope

First choice: Cardinal Martini, the bitchin' biblical scholar from Milan
Second Choice: Everybody except Cardinal Ratzinger.

I know, I don't get a vote. But just sayin'

CC

UU Jihad?

Are we sure this is something we should be organizing ourselves around?

We are still kidding, aren't we?

I just can't help but worry this is going to make us look silly, as good as the article was.

Returning speaks to this opinion well.

CC

You might be from McLean, VA...

CC wrote this as a 17-year-old. She found it today and it still made her laugh. So she is posting it with just minor revsions.,

I've been thinking a lot about my hometown both because the CSO and I are buying a house here and because I've run into several people I went to high school with in the past couple of weeks. I am starting to envy the CSO, who went to high school in Charlotte. All his high school friends seem to work in diners or fix cars. (Except for Petey)

All the kids I grew up with are now in medical school or law school.

Ah well, anyway here's the list, and bear in mind that when I was 17, You-might-be-a-redneck jokes were still pretty new.

CC



-If your Daddy walks you to school, cuz' he's the Secretary of Education, you might be from McLean.

-If that Australian kid took your lunch money, and the US broke off trade relations, you might be from McLean.

-If the teacher asks what you want to do when you grow up and you say "If I tell you, I've got to kill you," you might be from McLean

-If your Daddy yells out "Hi Bunky!" and Dick Cheney turns around, you might be from McLean

-If your idea of a "Hick" is someone who grew up at Hickory Hill, you might be from McLean.

-If you needed a flu shot, so you called the Surgeon General at home, you might be from McLean

-If your nickname for Julia Roberts is "my daddy's mistress" you might be from McLean.

-If you have a favorite Hillary Clinton hairstyle, you might be from McLean

- If you're 35 years old and you mom still won't let you date Libertarians, you might be from McLean

-If your idea of an insult is "Yo momma is so poor, she RARELY goes to SWITZERLAND!" You might be from McLean.

-If you keep your piggy bank in the Cayman Islands, you might be from McLean

-If you've ever missed school to help your Daddy finish his FEC filing, you might be from McLean.

-If you go to diplomatic functions to pick up chicks, you might be from McLean.

-If you go to diplomatic functions and SUCESSFULLY pick up chicks, you are definitely from McLean.

-If you're reading this list and taking notes, you're new to McLean, but you're going to fit in fine.

It's 90's retro night at Politics and Prose!

Camille Paglia is doing a reading at my hometown's most prominent smartypants bookstore. I really want to take a bottle of scotch and do a shot every time she uses a word with five or more syllables, but I have an event that night.

Sucks.

CC

The Tale of the Sex Goddess Bathrobe.

Picture it. Virginia. December 2004.

The CSO, who is not much on present shopping, has been needling CC for some time to come up with what she wants for Christmas. They finally both have good jobs, and this is the first Christmas they've had together that this has been the case. He doesn't know it yet, but he's getting an Ipod. Finally, CC allows as to how a pearl necklace is part of the Washington DC uniform and would certainly be welcomed.

As the the CSO is getting her the necklace, she wanders over to a nice-looking underwear store. CC finds Victoria's Secret rube-filled and appalling. The one in this mall is bright magenta. So she's always looking for a good place to find underwear.

The bathrobe is right in the window. It's made of silk and cashmere, amazingly soft to the touch, cable knit, but really thin. It's a little bit Katharine Hepburn and a little bit Catherine Deneuve. It comes is a deep vampirish red, CC's favorite color, and CC is convinced that she will feel like a sex goddess in it.

But it is 150 dollars. And the CSO is off buying her a perfectly wonderful pearl necklace.

Being a reasonable person, she does what any reasonable person would do.

She shuts up.

After all, it would be silly to go and buy such a thing. She's sort of chubby and plain and wouldn't really do such a bathrobe justice.

A silk suit that she could wear for work? Maybe. But a silk and cashmere bathrobe? Come on, that's a little much, really. There are Jamaican kids who've never owned a pair of pajamas and she's lusting after a thing like that?

She's really not a silk-and-cashmere bathrobe sort of girl.

She idly mentions it but doesn't belabor the point, even as she and the CSO buy other, considerably less expensive but still really nice, bathrobes for the ChaliceMotherInLaw and the ChaliceSisterInLaw at the same store. (Transference, yes, but she likes to think it is the good kind.)

April 2005.
CC is shopping again, not having been in the mall since Christmas. She had looked for a new suit for work, but hadn't found one and is a mite dejected.

She goes by the underwear store figuring she'd ogle the bathrobe for a minute.

It's on the sale rack.

It's marked $15.00.

CC pulls out her size and her AmEx card. Then she realizes, duh, it's the ChaliceMom's birthday in two weeks. So the ChaliceMom gets one. And Katy-the-Wise has done a lot of freelance pastoral care since CC's brother got arrested, so yeah, why not? A blue bathrobe and a brown one drape across CC's arm.

Then she thinks.

What other woman in CC's life deserves to feel like a sex goddess?

Umm… duh.

All of them.

(Well, except for the one who threw out my wedding invitation. But I really did call my best friend, who is marrying her, intent on asking what color she'd like, figuring he could give it to her and shoot me the fifteen bucks later. He wasn't home. Them's the breaks.)

All told, CC bought seven bathrobes. And six pairs of matching slippers. (CC doesn't do slippers.)

And CC right now is imagining six women she cares about opening boxes and running sex goddess bathrobes across their cheeks feeling the silk and cashmere and knowing that there is someone out there who thinks they are worth it. Each of them will know that there's someone who sees them as a silk-and-cashmere sort of girl.

And CC feels about as at peace with the planet as she gets.

CC

Ps. The store's website is selling sex goddess bathrobes for $37.50. Not getting a commission for this, I swear.

Memorandum

To: Baby Boomers

From: Generation X

CC: Generation Y

Date: April 4, 2005

Subject: John Lennon's song "Imagine."


When you hear this song, you get all weepy.

When we hear this song, we think to ourselves "Wow. That captures in one song everything that was lame and fucked up about the 60's."

Please stop voting it the greatest song of all time in radio polls.

Thanks.

Spreading Scott's meme

Scott asked, I answered, though my insecure soul wonders if i'm being quizzed to see if I would be decent road trip company.


You’re stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?

Richard Von Mises' Positivism, though I don't agree with absolutely everything in it.


Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

I have absolutely had crushes on my image of someone, an image that turned out to be fictional.

If you'd like the question interpreted more literally, I had it bad for Sir Percy Blakeney from the Baronness D'Orczy's The Scarlet Pimpernel as a ten year old, and that was even before I discovered the film version with Anthony Andrews.


The last book you bought is…?


Well, I was at a booksale this morning, so I bought quite a few. Nothng very exciting. I think I got some books on the GRE. The Oxford History of the American People (CC will buy "the Oxford History of" or the "Oxford Companion to" damn near anything.) A bunch of paperbacks to resell to Edie's bookstore.

The last book you read is…?

The last book I finished was Tim O'Brien's Going after Cacciato

I don't think I 100 percent understood it, but I still liked it.

What are you currently reading?

On the living room floor Portrait of a Killer Patricia Cornwell's book on Jack the Ripper. In my purse Mormon America , in the computer room Proverbs of Ashes. Many copies of the NYT Sunday magazine, The Economist, Harper's and Vogue heaped in a basket in the bathroom. Pagels' book on Satan is around somplace but I've mislaid it. And I am in the middle of Colson Whitehead's The Intuitionist," which I'm not sure I completely understand either.

Five books you would take to a deserted island:

Robertson Davies The Salterton Trilogy
Didn't even have to think about that one.

Elisabeth Young-Bruehl Hanna Arent- For love of the World
I defy you to find a better biography of anyone.

The Oxford Companion to Christian Thought.
Open this book at any point, start reading, you're engrossed for a long time.

My wedding album
I think I'd look at it a lot

Anais Nin's Little Birds
Your fault for asking

Who are you going to pass this baton to (three persons)? And why?
Ministrare because he's a good writer who we haven't heard much from in a while.

Chutney because somebody already tapped Peacebang

Philocrites because the Daily Show needs a book reviewer.

What Politics Professionals talk about in the bar after work.

This is a reenactment of a conversation Ed-who-Cooks and I had:

CC: (Noting Congressman Michael Simpson) Whoa. Wouldn't it suck if you were named "Homer Simpson" and you wanted to run for Congress?

Ed: Would it?

CC: I mean if you didn't change your name people would make fun of you, and if you did and the papers found out, you'd REALLY get made fun of.

Ed: I think you're discounting the importance of the crucial Simpsons voting bloc. People who watch the Simpsons, you know, they're smart and they have money. It's a good demographic.

CC: Right, but would that translate to votes?

Ed: Oh hell, yeah. Are you kidding? I'd vote for a DEMOCRAT named "Homer Simpson"

CC: Well, they do say that name recognition is sometimes the most important factor in a local campaign.

Ed: That's true. That's completely true!

CC: And I bet that being named "Homer Simpson" is instant average Joe appeal.

Ed: Wow. I think we’ve just figured out how John Kerry could have won the election.


Yes, such conversations are stupid, but looking back on it, I think of how baby lions play at pouncing on one another before learning to hunt.

I have questions about if I'm cut out to be a lion.

But it was a good conversation.

CC

CC's beefs with UUs focussing too much on politics

A response to Left Coast Unitarian

1. For some people, politics IS UUism. These two somewhat annoying
people in my congregation are doing a project where they are taking
pictures of people and putting up little signs with the people's
pictures and the pictured person's idea of the "soul of the church."
(These folks qualify as somewhat annoying because they took CC's picture
after she repeatedly asked them not to as she wasn't wearing makeup. I'm sorry a guy has to be 31 Flavors of asshole to stand there taking pictures as someone says "Please don't take my picture. PLEASE don't take my picture...")
Anyway, so far like 50% of the little signs have the person saying the
soul of the church is social action, which beats the hell out of people
saying the soul of the church is, say, "not Catholicism," but I can't
say that it's a good answer either.

2. The more I know about the Federal Election commission, the more I
worry about the possibility of serious claims that we're the religious
wing of the Democratic party messing with our tax-exempt status. We don't have set belief system, kids. That we're a religion anyway is easy for someone to pretend not to understand.

3. We're too small to be doing any good on a national level, yet local
politics is often not glamorous enough for our taste. So we end up
making a bunch of sound and fury amongst ourselves signifying very little other that our own self-satisfaction.


My solution is that I don't believe in churches taking a stand on specific legislation or supporting groups lobbying for specific legislation. We can speak to the moral principles behind the specific legislation all we want and I think the intent will be clear. But keeping it to the moral principle behind the law keeps the focus on religion and keeps us out of murky legal waters.

And it reminds us that the principles we demand of the government are ones we should be living in our own lives.

CC

Freedom vs. Diversity

To me the freedom vs. diversity distinction is crucial to whining minimization.

"Diversity" demands that every person be accepted and catered to by the larger group, and any larger group can be blamed for not keeping everybody happy. After all, if the minorites aren't happy, then clearly the group is not properloy diverse.

"Freedom" says "yes, you can have a barn, but you have to build it first' and puts the onus on the individual. Where it belongs.

And I think we see the end product of making "diversity" a goal every time a gay couple who was attracted to UUism because of our pro-gay marriage politics leaves because they just don't jibe with us theologically.

Do I think that if we're doing UUism right african-americans, transgendered people, etc will show up?

Of course.

But they will be the right ones.

CC

CC responds to the Coffee Hour Ipod discussion

I've read all these discussions with a certain measure of delight as this is a topic I've been meaning to bring up for about a week since we just discussed it at a church meeting.

http://coffeehour.philocrites.com/archives/001799.html#comments"> Check it out!

Like Peacebang, I'm not crazy about the language of marketing, though, again like her, I understand its usefulness.


I'm not liking the ideas of the ten-word summary because:


1. It's a creed, or will be one. People will recite it, people will tell other people that it is the sum total of UUism, people will say that other people who violate it are bad UUs, etc.


2. When GA writes a creed, it sucks. Judging by the best example we have, the seven principles, what they will come up with will be a creed-by-committee and thus be mealy-mouthed, lame and nothing any reasonable person doesn't already believe. Thus it will be useless in defining who we are.




Things I think would help in the quest for more members.


1. Shift the focus from "politics" to "charity work." Let's face it, kids, we're not very good at lobbying. The UUA Washington office almost never gets what it wants. We're just not powerful enough. But when we feed the homeless, we're already doing good. And people initially attracted by roll-up-your-sleeves charity work are far more likely to make good members. The conservative churches do it, and they're right.


2. Shift the focus from "diversity" to "freedom." To me diversity is such an empty goal. It's a pleasant byproduct of freedom, so let's advertise the freedom. Diversity will come. But a bunch of white people sitting around arguing about how best to pander to African-Americans is a very sad meeting to be in, and I've been in it.


3. Involve new members immediately. Don't put them to work weeding the flowerbed (unless they like that), but make them feel like they are really a part of something.


Hmmm...


More is percolating but I have to head to work


CC

What I've Been Reading Lately

Fausto told up what he's been reading lately. Here's my version.

Rita Nakashima Brock and Rebecca Ann Parker’s Proverbs Of Ashes which I started because one of the ministers at my church gave a particularly good sermon on redemptive suffering, so good that I am rethinking a few things I’d assumed.

Richard Osterling and Joan Osterling’s “Mormon America”because when one is in Rome, one should figure out what the Roman’s deal is.

For my less-strenuous reading, I’m halfway through Donna Tartt’s The Little Friend. I don’t know why I tend to read coming-of-age stories. At least this one has a murder.

And I just finished Tim O’Brien’s Going After Cacciato which really blew me away.

CC
who also scared the bejabbers out of herself reading "Portrait of a Killer: Jack the Ripper -- Case Closed" which she really enjoyed, though wished had more citations.

What's Jeff running off with? And where did my thunder go?

Click here if you're at all interested in the bible discussion.

It's a dirty trick to make CC's points better than she did on her own blog, but Jeff Wilson did just that.

CC

Yeah, what she said

The Post's Dana Milbanks on Media Bias


And I agree with most of this, too.

CC

The ex-Presbyterian presents:How to run a Goddamn meeting.

I try not to compare the two faiths I’ve had. (I’m not counting atheism as a faith. The way I practiced it, it wasn’t.) But this afternoon a glaring difference came to light as I sat in a two hour and fifteen minute task force meeting.

Presbyterians can run a meeting. They can raise a point of inquiry, have discussion and call the question like a sumbitch.

Not so for UUs.

So I’m writing up how to run a meeting.

Distribute freely.

Please.

1. Have an agenda and for the love of God, stick to it.
And by that I mean an agenda with TIMES. Fifteen minutes is plenty of time to discuss a budget item. If it’s not, assign a budget committee and let them meet about it. If fifteen minutes are up and people are still yakking, make them stop talking. No, really. Do it.

2. If you have two hours and fifteen minutes worth of stuff to say, plan two meetings.

3. If people at the meeting need to have background information, put it in writing and send it to them beforehand.
If a charity’s work can’t be described in one page, I ain’t supporting it. The next time a committee chair makes me sit through a 45-minute DVD on the charity they want to support, I’m sending them an invoice for my time. And my consulting rates are high.

4. If you’re doing something (like watching a DVD) in addition to the business portion of the meeting, do the business portion first. Duh.

5. We aren’t Quakers, consensus is unnecessary
So don’t ask me why I voted against your proposition. I know that an hour and forty five minutes into the meeting is a bad time to explain my nuanced position on the church’s support of social justice groups even if you don’t. I was outvoted anyway, so be happy with that.

6. Once something is voted on, shut up about it.
People who start sentences with “That thing we just voted on is really great because…” should be shot.

7. People who chose to work out things between themselves during the meeting sucketh mightly.
“Can I borrow that DVD to show this other committee?”
“When do they meet? I’m showing it to a different committee on Thursday.”
“They meet Wednesday. I could get it back to you before Thursday.”
“Are you sure they meet Wednesday? I thought the choir was having its special rehearsal Wednesday”
“No, wait, they meet NEXT Wednesday.”
“The choir?”
“No, my committee.”
“So I can take the DVD to my meeting Thursday and give it to you Sunday so you can show it next Wednesday.”
“But I won’t be here next Sunday…”
is what you sound like. So shut the hell up and email each other.

8. Always keep the action in mind. Discussion should be moving toward a vote. Discussion of church history on any committee but the church history committee is punishable by severe beatings.

9. Set a goal for the meeting. Achieve your goal. Adjourn.

10. Lead the meeting, or I will start leading it.
I feel socially awkward asking an old lady “Yes, that thing you’re saying is great, but how does it apply to what we’re doing here?”

But I’d rather be socially awkward than bored.

CC

Things that make CC happy

1. Having sex, then falling asleep in her husband’s arms and staying that way all night.

2. Spending an afternoon at the art museum just wandering. Looking at art for me is a sort of mediation. I start to think about the meaning of creating things and all sorts of other stuff people think humanists don’t think about.

3. Going to her linguist friend’s house in Ohio, which is full of books, then spending a week reading, writing and cooking large meals.

4. Having a long intellectual argument with someone smarter she is and slowly, slowly losing.

5. Going back to the place where she and the CSO used to get pad thai and eating a big plate of it, then savoring the warm spiciness in her mouth all day.

6. Finding a book she has been wanting for years in a used bookstore for three bucks.

7. Doing a really good job on something at work and being everybody’s favorite around the office for a day or two

8. Page ten of the first book she’s ever read by a new favorite author. Normally by then she knows she’s going to read everything the person has ever written. Most recently happened with Elaine Pagels and Carl Hiaasen

9. When the CSO and I are in a public place and a song with a single swing beat (especially Nat King Cole’s “L-O-V-E” which was our wedding song) and we just can’t help dancing and we know we’re the stupid goofy couple that everyone rolls their eyes at but we just can’t help it because it feels so good to be together.

10, Writing something I really like.


Terry Schiavo can do none of those things.

"Nuff said.

CC

CC responds to Peacebang and Fausto

When CC was in high school, she was an editor on the school paper. That paper, as high school papers dom always ran a “senior quotes” edition where the seniors could put in a quotation that inspired them. (CC’s was George Bernard Shaw’s statement “If the world were a perfect place, there would be nothing for us to do.” Tell me she wasn’t a UU in spirit even then.)

Anyway, one girl chose a quote by Richard Nixon. Even better, a quote by Richard Nixon where he wasn’t saying anything very unusual. He was praising the virtues of sticktuitiveness or working hard or something that thousands of other non-Richard Nixon famous people have said.

CC knew this girl and asked her “Um… What’s the deal with Nixon?”

Her response was that she just liked the quote and thought it was true and she didn’t see what the source had anything to do with it. CC said “well, yes, but a lot of people have said that same sort of thing.” And the girl responded that she liked the Nixon version.

Ok, whatever, case closed. The Nixon quote ran, though CC privately thought the girl was pretty silly.


CC does not think that Peacebang is silly. Nor Fausto.

However, she doesn’t see why Peacebang, Fausto and many other intelligent people insist on doing what she sees as a similar thing.

Most of the good stuff in the bible is cliché at this point.

Did it start with the bible? Maybe. Sometimes, probably yes.

But it certainly hasn’t been said by the bible alone.

Now I don’t mind the occasional bible reading, but I don’t think we need to be so upset with ourselves over the fact that all things bible rarely comes up.

After all, I’d say the works of Shakespeare contain as many useful insights as the bible does, with a lot less crazy stuff. (I mean, come on, in Shakespeare, when somebody wants to get a message across to the king, that person goes and talks to the king. They don’t send the angel of death to wipe out the first born children of the king’s entire country.)

God, as I perceive God, is not the God of the bible at all and I find that the bible gives God rather bad press much of the time.

The girl I knew in high school did not have to “assiduously avoid” a quotation by Richard Nixon to use something similar written by someone else.

I don’t think the bible is the only place where insights about humanity taking care of one another and living just lives can be found is the bible and I find myself sort of resenting the implication that I am “preaching the gospel” when I’m talking about love, service and justice.

The Mormons I know seem to have great respect for love, service and justice, yet I suspect that most UUs, UU bloggers included, would take it rather badly to hear that they were “preaching the book of Mormon” because they were expressing the same ideas.

CC

Why I despise Anne Lamott

(This was a response to something on PB's blog, but is really a topic of its own. Not as good a topic as the bible thing, though, so I'm putting it below.)

I found Anne Lammott my senior year in high school when she had a column on Salon. This was back before Salon was even updated daily. When Cintra Wilson wrote for it and hardly anybody was reading it.

Anyway, yes, I loved Operating Instructions and I read it and re-read it until one day it occurred to me what Sam's life is going to be like when they other guys in junior high figure out what "Oedipal" means.

After that, I just couldn't get into her any more and what I've read since has made me grow to dislike her more with time.

If I had a nasty fight with my scumbag brother I wouldn't go and blog about how much he sucks and how miserable I am and why did my parents ever have to have more kids after me.

And if I did blog about that, he could make a blog of his own or try to sue me or do something to defend himself.

Sam had, and has, no such recourse.

Yes, she loves him. But I really think she loves Anne first.

She may have kicked her cocaine habit, but I think it has been replaced by an addiction to hearing how clever and spiritual and wonderful Anne Lamott is and she's just as willing to pimp her son to get a fix as any junkie.

Boy, that is nastily phrased. But I really feel strongly about her and about the kid who is going to have to hear "Oh,I LOVED the time you were sick as a baby and threw up for three days! Your Mom is so BRILLIANT and so BRAVE for admitting she had you accidentally and you made her miserable all the time when you were a baby" his whole life.

Poor bastard.

CC

She who rarely updates speaks

What a bad blogger I am these days, though apparently I’m a good fundraiser. Made $95,000 Wednesday night for someone who isn’t on any particularly impressive committees.

Yay me.

But it’s probably significant, that Peacebang, who started her blog about the same time I started mine, is also in blogging doldrums.


CC

Saving UUism some time

You know how people sometimes join a UU church all bitter and pissy about their fundamentalist upbringing, but you know the minute they walk in the door that they will be here two years tops and then leave again for another (is slightly more liberal) faith with charismatic leaders that will tell them what to do?

We could always just Send them here when they first arrive.


CC
Feeling snarky this morning.

My likes and pet peeves

Check out this weird web comic.

Also, is anybody else completely into Silence of the Lambs? This guy is.

CC

Do patent leather shoes really shine up?

Scott and Peacebang were linking to the websites for their favorite slightly wacky online-marketed products.


My nomination


CC

Blog reviews

Just posted at Coffee Hour


Tom Schade and Fausto are having an interesting exchange about the place of the bible in arguements made by religious liberals. CC plans to weigh it at some point, but hasn't. The Revealer has, though. Returning, too.

Boy In the Bands has a purty new look.

Jess's Journal is a nifty blog that is new to my blogosphere. It looks like she's had a rough week.

Yet another UU Blog has discussions of slumber parties and bookstores.

CC

An Oasis of Normal

Everything is exactly the same at my office. No one has any idea.

It's not that they don't know I'm from McLean and have twin brothers named Oliver and Jason. It's that in an office full of Republicans, people don't read the Post.

CC

Ps. Thanks for the emails, kids.

Front page of the metro section, above the fold

For the record, I was in the Washington Post first. Front page of the style section when a bunch of my high school pals and I picketed a Dan Quayle book signing with signs that said "Dan and Murphy: Can't we all just get along?"

Still, you have to admit, he doesn't do anything halfway.


CC

Momma always said one of us would be famous.

I really don't know what to think about this.


I called the FBI five years ago to report the little bastard's kiddie porn habit.

The CSO and I suspect that this will mean I end up on the stand. I mean, the FBI keeps records, right?

It's funny. She who likes detective stories had followed the search for the BTK killer with relish. Mary-who-dances and I talked on Sunday, comparing the LA Times, the NYT's and Washington Post's coverage. I's thought abiout Raber's daughter giving the police a DNA sample to help them catch her father. My dad's pretty harmless, but I'd always thought I would be quick to do that. You know, to catch a killer? Helps not to be close to one's family, I suppose.

I've called prosecutors trying to help cases against Oliver before.

Right now, I don't know what I feel.

Oh goodness.

CC
Going to the store to pick up the paper. OIiver is on the front page of the metro section.

The accused felt entitled.

As snotty as I am about my brother, it was me who had traffic court this morning. My license plate registration expired at the end of December and between the wedding and Christmas I just hadn’t gotten around to renewing. I got pulled in January.

Even then, the cop asked if I were Oliver Smith’s sister.

I went straight to the DMV and got it taken care of. Now, I don’t know if y’all have been to traffic court before, but the judge rarely considers expired registrations to be his life’s work. If you can show the judge you’ve taken care of the problem, the judge will almost always dismiss the charges.

This morning, I knew my way around the judicial complex without having to ask. After all, I've been there plenty of times before.

I was the only white person without a lawyer.

But this was an angry judge. He demanded a translator for a woman who just had a heavy Spanish accident. A guy who begged to have his car returned didn’t get it because of what sounded like a paperwork snafu. Denied. I thought about how Robertson Davies observed that a train of unhappy events, once set into motion, is almost impossible to check. How many trains of unhappy events sat there in the courtroom with me.

I sat there with my registration in my hand, imagining for a moment that I was Von Berg in “Incident at Vichy,” the papers that would allow my escape in my hand.

Go to jail? No way, I was just visiting.

Two hours after court began, my name was called. I stood at the podium. The judge asked if I had taken care of the problem.

Yes.

I showed the judge and the prosecutor the registration and the case was dismissed.

Tonight, a cop pulled me over to ask if I knew where my brother was.

CC

For those of you who thought being related to a felon was all fun and games

The cops showed up at the house and searched it. Needless to say, it was a mess and the CSO and I are cleaning out of embarassment in case they return.

I told them that if I heard from my brother, I would call them. I think they believed me.

Last night, after hearing that Oliver was about to face more legal trouble, TheCSO and I discussed whether "Oliver's getting arrested!" were the sweetest words in the English language.

After some debate, we settled on "There's a Prize Patrol van in our driveway, and it just ran over Oliver!"

If talking about one's own flesh and blood this way is appalling, you're not related to someone like Oliver, whose crimes include grand theft auto and having romantic tastes that run to fifteen-year-old runaways.

CC
Who is still really sick, still cleaning in spite of that, and way more normal than this post would suggest.

Presbyterians occaisionally rock

CC was raised in this church.


CC

AChoo!

Yes, I'm a bad blogger.

But it is also fundraising season and I'm also sick.

Will post more later, I swear.

CC

Mild Oscar Anti-Snark

I would be trying harder to defend the Oscars, but as I fell asleep on my friend's floor while watching them, I don't think that defense would be very good.

I will say that I LIKE zombie-skin gray and well as black skinny dresses (Julia Roberts) and vampire red fishtail dresses (Renee Zellwegger, who admittedly didn't look like she could walk.) I guess I'm just creepy.

I thought Chris Rock was OK and thought his observation that Nicole Kidman should have gotten an Emmy for her convincing acting that she wasn't disappointed at losing when someone else's name was called out was pretty funny.

And I was REALLY glad Cate Blanchett one. Smile. It's like they gave Katharine Hepburn one more Oscar. Blanchett's acceptance speech even seemed to recognize this.

Ah well.

Off to work.


CC

CC be trippin'

Inspired by Peacebang telling a sort of similar story, but not really.

So, right before the wedding, the CSO and I were taking some dancing lessons. I'm not great with schedules and the times for the lessons jumped around and one time he and I showed up at 6 for an eight o'clock lesson.

So we decided to get some dinner. We didn't know the area well, and after a lot of driving around, found a scary little southern buffet restaurant. Now the CSO hails from Charlotte, so scary little southern restaurants are nothing to him. In fact, down south, the scarier the clientele, the better the barbecue.

By that theory, this place would have been the Inn at Little Washington because the people inside were terrifying.

But hey, it's the CSO's heritage, so we ate there anyway. He proudly announced that he was drinking only his second glass of presweetened tea since coming to Washington. Our turned out to be competent if not inspired, and we were eating when Santa Claus came out of the men's room.

Item: It was mid-October.

We watched, amused/appalled as Santa walked around the room, greeting children and giving them candy.

It was weird, kids. Really weird.

But what cemented the incident forever in our minds was a booming female voice from the other side of the room.

"Get BACK heh! That ain't no DAMN Santa Claus! He be TRIPPIN!"

Looking at this story on paper, it's not that funny.

I've tried retelling it, it's not that funny.

But I kid you not, I walked into the living room giggling five minutes ago and the CSO asked what was up.

"He be trippin!" I responded and we both laughed anew. Hard. Tears coming to my eyes.

Guess you had to be there.

CC

Flattery will get you everywhere

Last night at the bar, Utah Whitney told me I look like Juliette Lewis.


Ummm.

Wow.



I assume she was referring to Juliette Lewis during her chubby, awkward adolescence.

But I was still sort of impressed.

I mean, the last movie star anyone compared me too was Sarah Jessica Parker in "LA Story." And the guy who said that didn't mean my looks.

It took a long time for me to get over that one. Juliette Lewis, though, goodness, I could get used to that,

CC

Fell asleep at the computer

Ok, it's a laptop computer, so I technically fell asleep on the couch, but I still have a creepy suspicion that this is a new low.

Tongiht, I spent too much time at a bar with Boston Whitney and Utah Whitney and the-belle-of-Charlotte.

Tomorrow, I have nothing planned. Sunday, I have church, a ballet with Ridiculously Accomplished Abby, an alumni thing and my college and watching the academy awards with Jennifer Beautiful.

But I have an incredibly busy week at work coming up, so maybe I will not go to the ballet. Or leave early from the Academy Awards. Or something.

Did you know that a person can get arrested for running a stop sign and turning thr wrong way down a one-way street? My brother can. But come to think of it, he hates police officers and does not speak respectfully to them, so that probably
explains it right there. Whether this comes down to cops are too impressed with their own authority or my brother sucks is up to you, I'll accept either explanation.

CC

Pant, pant, pant

I've had entirely too many meals that left me feeling like Caligula recently. (Love that sushi buffet.)

So I'm thinking I should get back into a slightly less huggable but perhaps more overall appealling shape. I'm not too excited to stop eating cheese and as the girl in Heathers points out, "bulimia is SO '87."

This leaves me exercising. As luck would have it, we now have a dog in the house, a big dumb husky my brother abandoned here.

I'd heard someplace that walking 10,000 steps per day was a good thing, so I set out to walk 10,000 steps.

And I learned that 10,000 steps is a hell of a long way.

But I did it.

I only walked about 3,000 steps in the course of the day, so the dog and I walked 7,000 steps tonight.

We will swee about tomorrow.

CC

Hey kids...

Want to see a bitchin' little UUism discussion?

Sure you do


CC

Word.

Heard this on radio this morning and thought it was bitchin'

N dey say
By Nelly

Hold up stop now let me get a look at ya,
Damn girl I ain't seen you since prom,
Come to think about it I can't believe its been that long,
I heard your man locked down now how long he gone.... Oh dat long
How the hell he get time like that?
Three strikes with possession, aww he ain't comin back,
He left you with 2 kids and bills all around,
Plus you found out he had another chick cross-town,
It's always the darkness right before the sun rises
And you gotta stay strong for the kids in their eyes and
Please don't despise and go against all brothers and
have a hatred in your heart and take it out on another,
I hate to sound Tupacish now momma but keep your head up,
But you gon' make it I promise you keep your head up
And that, that don't kill you only makes you stronger
And the will to succeed will only feed the hunger, Fo' Reel (Fo' Reel, Fo' Reel)


Chorus
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh oh ohh

I was at the gas station and a man walked past
With his sign will work for food, clothes or cash
and he asked if he could pump my gas, so I let him
Clean the windshield and throw out the trash, so I let him (Hey)
I even asked a brother his name, where he was from, got kids man and what's their ages
He kinda stuttered for a second, he kinda looked surprised that anyone would even take an interest in his life
He said young brother dem the only words I done heard in the last year that wasn't no or get the fuck away from herrre
How could somthin so simple as general conversation
Mean much more than general conversation? (Hey)
You could tell life had beaten him down
Like he was in the title fight and this might be his last round
Sometimes the easiest things we take for granted
Until they gone, then realise we even had it, Fo' Reel (Fo' Reel, Fo' Reel)

Chorus
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh oh ohhhhh

I used to think that life had a plan for me
Until I realised life had to be planned by me, see that's the key
I only deal with what I can see cause over history, mystery brought us nothin but misery
Man more people done died in the name of the lord
Than in any natural disaster, disease or gangwars
Before guns there was swords and they was killin each other
and what's changed to this day still killin each other
Killin a brother while another mother cries for help
Man! we need to help a brother find themself
Feed em light 1, 2, 3
Hey! that's something every brother should see and that's Fo' Reel,
and that's Fo' Reel, and that's Fo' Reel

Chorus

Hmm...

Sigh.

Tonight, I had dinner at my favorite sushi buffet. Eating there always leaves me feeling a little like Caligula, as if there are no pleasures left in the world.

I’ve been rethinking a long-held position of mine that politics really don’t have place in church, especially mine.

Sinkford’s grandstanding seriously makes me ill. Seriously.

But at the same time, I have been thinking about Universalists and how they were the first church to really come out against slavery. That undeniably kicks ass.

When I got home, the CSO sat on the edge of the bathtub as I washed my hair. We talked about the issue for awhile, deciding that political issues in historical retrospect become moral issues.

I remain uncomfortable with the idea of politics from the pulpit, yet I’m rethinking exactly how deeply into politics morality can go.

CC

Chaliceblog Snark Policy

Left Coast Unitarian: Lenten snark vigil has me thinking about my own snarkiness and who and what I will be snarky about.

So I've written a policy. (One that I've been following all along really, but here it is in writing.)

In short.

1. I never insult the CSO on my blog. He and I have a rule of presenting ourselves as a united front to both families and all but the closest of our friends. (Item: All marriages should have this rule. Seriously.) Making some big fuss about a minor beef I have with him would be a violation of this.

2. If you have a blog, you’re fair game. Sorry. You are. If you don’t want your opinions criticized, don’t put them on the internet. If someone typically comes up with better things or if they have a thoughtful wrong opinion, I will be more gentle, but frankly Home Improvement was a hit television show, so clearly people have trouble recognizing when something sucks and need the suckiness pointed out.

3. It’s not my church’s fault that they have CC for a congregant. So I try not to punish them for it. There are a lot of UU churches around DC and I try not to make which one I attend too terribly obvious. At the same time, if they are doing something I'm not used to (such as kicking around having a pledging ritual ) I might mention it so see if other people’s churches are doing the same thing,. If I do decide to take some Sundays and write “church reviews,” I won’t write one about my home church.

4. I’m stricter on myself when it comes to my ministers. Being criticized all over the internet is not in their job descriptions. I might talk about the same topic they talked about, but I won’t directly respond to them.

5. Former members of my previous churches may well show up in thinly-disguised form in the Round Robin. Partially, this is because there’s a certain commedia dell’arte to UU churches. There is a woman at each of my previous churches, and my current one, who could see herself in Peggy, a feisty old lady who runs the church’s social action committee. Other people appear because I miss them and writing them into the round robin lets me be back in church with them in a very loose and self-indulgent sense.

6. When I’m writing something positive about one of my friends, I will use their real name and my favorite of their good qualities or something cool about them. When I write something negative or personal, I won’t reveal who I am talking about Again, most of my friends befriended me in my “real life,” not as a blogger. I try to make them identifiable only in a loose sense. The exception here is, of course, Katy-the-Wise whose identity is pretty clear to anyone who wants to take a little time to look. Katy-the-Wise knows I write about her sometimes and that I very much admire her as a thinker and as a human being. So far, she tolerates being written about, though I don’t know that she reads my blog. If she ever asked me to stop writing about her, I would.

I think these rules constitute a pretty reasonable approach to blogging and to letting my blog reflect my life and opinions.

CC
who doesn't give up stuff for lent

A new slogan

So, I've been reading a bit of UU history as I wasn't raised UU. And somehow I had totally missed that Joseph Preistly discovered oxygen in his spare time.

He discovered oxygen. Seriously, how cool is that? I mean, Muslims discovered zero. The Christians discovered the Cartesian coordinate system, but WE discovered oxygen.

Screw this "uncommon denomination" crap. We need bumperstickers that read: "Unitarian Universalists: We discovered Oxygen. As a hobby."

That's what I'm talkin' about.

CC

Sniffle.

I couldn't sleep well last night, which has been par for the course for the last few nights. I'm really exhausted and bummed out and I have a bunch of niggling little stuff to do today.

Grrr.

Just wanted to bitch about it,

CC

Probably a bad idea

By leading me here my good blogging buddy Peacebang had given me an idea.

Does UUism need something similar, or do we bitch at one another enough?

Being a "mystery worshipper" and writing "church reviews," encouraging other people to do the same, would be:
	Really cool, you badass hipster
	More damaging than helpful to the churches in question.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Do you do UU like I do UU?

I've been thinking recently about my own rigidity toward my actively unrigid faith.

This Sunday, I went to a small UU church in the Midwest and was sort of depressed by what I found. The Seven principles were proudly posted in a most creedlike manner and were referred to that way. Worship committiee members were talking about a future Sunday where someone from the local nature preserve would bring in animals to show off, causing my friend to drily remark that he would probably spend that Sunday at the local art museum. (Don't you wish I were making that up? I do.)

A sign on the sanctuary door said something like "You may hear things you don't agree with. Take what you like and leave the rest" and CC wanted to scream "No! What you like the least is probably what you NEED!"

I was talking to my smart friend Pam about this recently. She is rather conservative religiously and watched my conversion to UUism five years ago with rolled eyes. She assumes that my enthusiasm for UUism can't last and she indicated that the root of her concern was that I seem to have such a very specific idea of what UUism is and how I want to see it practiced.

Maybe I am at times too tough on other churches, and judgmental of congregations that do not achieve the balance of being religion-focussed without forcing theism.

Hmmm

CC

A lengthy essay about Liberal Christians and UUs

Wrote this about six months ago as a response to a sermon about Christianity that squicked me and it is on my mind. An apparently dedicated reader of this blog (lucky me) will notice that a lot of his comments have been taken to heart. My errors basically stemmed from having had an oversimplified version of Arminianist-flavored Calvinism explained to me as a kid, and having left the Presbyterians before I grew up intellectually enough to read Calvin on my own.

When I was a child, church was a trial to be endured. Though I had an enviable view of the proceedings from the choir loft where I sat with my parents, I failed to appreciate it. Hyperactive creature that I am, I was forever making small noises, getting up to move around and otherwise embarrassing my parents and distracting the choir. After some complaints from the other choir members, I was sent back down to sit with the rest of the church.

So I sat with a book, reading through the entire service.

Not good enough. My parents ordered me to stand when everyone else stood, sing what they sang and participate in the responsive readings.

As a kid, I noticed that I didn’t necessarily agree with what was in the readings, but I read them anyway. That I thought to disagree was the Unitarian Universalist in me. That I kept reading anyway was the good Calvinist in me, a streak that is still there.

The UU in me was visible other ways, though, I was kicked out of Sunday School for asking too many questions as a kid. (As I recall, the question that got me escorted from the room was my challenging a teacher’s assertion that the bible is the best-selling book in the world by pointing out that there are lots of translations of the bible but the only Koran that counts to Muslims is the one in Arabic, a nugget I’d picked up in my fifth grade World Cultures class. Thus, ten-year-old CC reasoned, it was likely that people would buy several bibles as they had different words, but a person only ever needed one Koran.)

In a lot of ways, Christianity is good for a kid. Calvinism especially. Anyone in Junior High School will find a theologian who understands the innate depravity of man and the ultimate worthlessness of human effort to have extraordinary insight.

I was a liberal Christian though, so my parents were always light on this message and heavy on the concept of God’s love and the redeeming value of doing one’s duty to one’s church, one’s family and one’s God. The people at this church were on the whole very, very good to me and I wanted to be like them. I was pretty well-schooled in Bible stories, knowledge that has served me well culturally. Indeed, by late high school I was having huge doubts about Christianity in general, yet was the only person in my senior English class who could correctly identify Joseph of Aramathea.

At the same time, the Presbyterian Church had gotten a new minister. She was brilliant, well read and I knew she was a lesbian from the moment I saw her. I identified totally with her intelligence and literary nature. Even though I'm straight, when she was fired I felt that the Presbyterian Church had no use for person like me, despite the loving treatment I’d received my whole life.

The Hindu Dharma says “We do things to no purpose, and at the same time we do not have the courage to give up such rites altogether. So we go through them ‘somehow’ for a false sense of satisfaction. Far better it would be, instead, to have the courage to be an atheist. The atheist at least has some convictions, so it seems to me.”

Going through ritual “somehow” well describes my attitude toward Christianity for most of late high school, and by the time I went to college I had determined that I wasn’t going back to Presbyterianism, though I missed terribly the promise of a good afterlife to those who were among the elect. (Item: Every 17-year-old believes themselves to be among the elect, if not a visible saint. Trademark of the age.) I wanted to believe in those things and be accepted, but I just couldn’t accept the personified deity that the bible described who had made humans in his image and thus had quite rightly made them jealous, vain and wrathful creatures.


In college, I declared myself an agnostic and developed a habit I retain to this day of taking the atheist side in any disagreement between theists and atheists.

As I progressed through college, things called me back toward my past and toward a life of faith. The old familiar hymns were the most notorious. The “Ode to Joy” will forever send me to my mother’s side as her dutiful soprano, less on key than she imagined, belted out “Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee.”

I was alone in my faith, though I took several college theology classes, all Christian, and had many talks with my aunt on the subject. She sent me lots of books. One day, at graduate school in New Orleans, I was very lonely and decided to hunt up a church. I found a sermon of Katy-the-Wise's on the internet, decided to visit, and that was that.

My conversion story is a crucial part of this essay if for no better reason than to offer a counterpoint to the conversion stories of ex-conservative Christians who describe childhoods traumatized by thoughts of hell. But now we get to Unitarianism, and we’ve gone as far as this can go with just my story. After all, this is supposed to be about the general case of converting liberal Christians. (And, to be fair, it doesn't even address the case of liberal Christians who become UU Christians. While I consider my UUism heavily Christian influenced, I am by no means a trinitarian.)

I viewed Christianity pretty rationally by this point myself, and I suspect this is the case of a lot of liberal Christians. What surprised me was how irrationally UUs typically viewed it. Christianity was my high school sweetheart. I was still fond of it, though I could see its flaws. To have so many people so openly declaring that they were, in effect, “recovering Christians,” as if Christianity were like alcoholism, was very troubling to me. No one likes to hear their high school sweetheart insulted.

Make no mistake, Jerry Falwell is a figure of fun to Liberal Christians too, but surely UUs who were so good with tolerance would understand and tolerate the differences in Christianity, too?

Some did. But to many, Southern Baptists were the extent of Christianity and concepts even as basic and Unitarian-friendly as viewing bible stories as metaphor were viewed as impossible for these simple folk with their crosses.

Hearing my roots made fun of, which to be fair Katy did limit, was not the only issue I faced.

I suspect that once the aspect of fear is gone, to turn away from the God who threatens and punishes you, is quite simple for the Conservative Christian.

The liberal Christian God is a different sort of God. A kind, loving God, who has done so much for you. All you need to do is your duty to God. You do want to do your duty, don’t you?

The Conservative Christian God is an angry redneck father who takes you out behind the woodshed when you don’t behave. The liberal Christian God is more like a Jewish mother who doesn’t eat for three days so her mouth won’t be full of food when you call.

You can’t hate a Jewish mother, but developing the proper psychological distance from one takes no small amount of time and fortitude. And hearing her insulted can send you back into her arms.

The very assumptions that Christians are all alike and they are all adept at mental compartmentalization or otherwise lying to themselves that are so comfortable for the ex-Conservative Christian make life much rougher on the ex-liberal one, and the ex-liberal is much less likely to make a fuss about it as they are not rebelling against anything and are likely to be quite unsure of themselves. The enthusiasm of the recently converted, annoying to others but valuable in retaining conversions, is much more the domain of the ex-Conservative Christian.

To the ex-Conservative Christian, Christianity is often a difficult and possibly abusive ex-spouse. To the ex-Liberal Christian, Christianity is more like a parent. We rebel against our parents when we’re young, but we still love them and we recognize that they are right about a lot of things. Still, sometimes their way of living and view of the world cannot be ours. To have ways of living and views of the world that differ from our parents’ can be a really scary thing but is necessary for one to reach full adulthood.

It bears mentioning that the Conservative Christian’s intolerant family and social connections wasn’t my problem either. My Christian relations’ reaction was somewhat snippy at first, I’m still young and they took it as a stage, but they quickly adjusted and my family allowed they would rather I went to a more liberal and more intellectual faith than the other direction toward getting saved and bombing abortion clinics. My friends were accepting and even interested. I actually was able to subtly evangelize and get UUism a few more members from those who had doubts like my own.

Every UU church wants to expand, but most seem to want to convert the Conservative Christians and bring in atheists who haven’t previously needed a church. In reality, every UU church’s best source of converts are the UCC, liberal Episcopalian, liberal Methodist and liberal Presbyterian churches that have people sitting in the back unable to embrace God in human terms as a being who rewards and punishes. A person who can look past the scriptural God, who is very much that personified deity, and see something else, something above that, is halfway in our door.

And that person is going to be a much better UU, at least initially. They will not ask why they can’t believe whatever they want or insist that their specific preferences as to service content will be matched exactly as ex-Conservative Christians do. By the same token, they will have an understanding of the way churches function and what needs to be done and how an hour long talk on gardening or the church’s maintenance needs is not a sermon that an atheist may lack. Both of those impairments can be overcome by new members, but liberal Christians already have that much more resolved.

Thus we return to the membership question. What does it take to get them the rest of the way here? We need to do everything we can to divorce ourselves from the image that we’re a bunch of liberal freaks, first of all. If the only time the outside community hears of the UU church is when they are protesting something, then that church is doing its membership a great disservice and not fulfilling its obligations to work for a better world. (ooh… Fulfilling its obligations… I'm getting downright Pelagian...) For every contingent that goes to the March for Women’s lives, we need a group working with interfaith organizations to feed the hungry and a group meeting Wednesday nights to study theology.

Sometimes, we work very hard to remove anything from our “Fellowships” that might make us resemble a church. We rewrite the hymns to make them less theistic. Ex-Conservatives love that. But wouldn’t we be better served to sing the original version, examining its meaning for theological relevance today, especially in light of different conceptions of God and the Holy? There’s a beautiful baby in this bathwater. (Some of you are saying "duh." Good for you.)

RE is vital here. UU children need to know the bible stories that will be so important culturally and need to be exposed to other faiths, but the teachers also need to teach a rigorous curriculum of UU history that will give the students a firm foundation and an idea that their faith has roots and that a lot of good people have found their truth in UUism. If nothing else, their parents who have come from liberal Christianity to UUism will find that in many ways, their journey reflects the journey we as a denomination have taken from historical Unitarianism to modern UUism.

Everyone needs to know how the UU faith differs from other faiths in a way they can easily explain—UUs don’t share belief, they share a method of arriving at belief. This method, refining belief through reason, is the core of who we are. Don’t let people describe our faith as “the church where you can believe whatever you want to.” The church spends way too much time emphasizing our tolerance when members and potential members alike desperately need reminders of our integrity. (After all, in a church of "tolerance," small groups are encouraged to yap at one another in endless competition for the attention that "tolerance" implies is their due. A church of "freedom" emphasizes that you can have a barn, but you have to build it first.)

The most important lesson we can teach our liberal Christian converts is that we are seeking what they are seeking, to live an unambiguous life in an ambiguous world and to seek always the highest and best in humanity, and that if we blur the lines between theism and atheism, it is because in light of the ultimate significance of this goal those lines seem less crucial.

There are a few hundred thousand UUs in our churches. But though society at large don’t have the courage, intellectual wherewithal or attention span to be UUs there are a least hundred thousand more out there.

But right now a lot of them aren’t having nightmares of brimstone and fire or arguing about the existence of God with their co-workers. They are fidgeting in a church full of people that love them, wondering why they so naturally recite words that they don’t believe. For such a person, church is a trial to be endured. But the life of faith can be so much more.

A ritual of giving.

At our church, we had a fundraising meeting a few days ago, and some thoughts I had about it have bubbled to the surface. CC has some ideas about fundraising that are pretty weird to church fundraising, because, well, she’s used to political fundraising. In political fundraising (from PACs), we sort of assume that people will likely give the money somewhere, we just want them to give it to us. In church fundraising, apparently one has to beg for it a lot more, with power point presentations about the value of church and some such.

If CC ran a church fundraising campaign, the theme of the campaign would be "Ours is a free church, time to pay for it." (A phrase stolen from Katy-the-Wise. ) Choir members would get letters about upcoming upgrades to the music ministry, parents to RE, etc. The Fellowship Dinner would cost $50 and anyone who agreed to convince three people to come could call themselves a member of the "Steering Committee" and wear a nicer name tag and come to a "thank you" luncheon of their own where they would be hit up for even more money, but could make broad suggestions about sermon topics. The fellowship dinner at CC's church is split over two nights. One night is catered, one night is pot luck. Anybody who came to the catered dinner would be hit up for twice as much money. Oh, and the pledge invoices would look as much as possible like phone bills. Because seriously, y'all, that's what paying one's pledge should feel like.)

(This brings to mind several chapters in
The Almost Church CC loves a good masochistic beating as much as the next freaky chick, but even she found the book, from that sucky title on, a little much. That goes double for the author's smarmy "Y'all can't admit this to yourselves, but I know better" tone. He sounds a lot more humble and cool in the Coffee Hour discussion despite the fact that I almost think that saying that one didn't intend for a book to be negative is almost a bit disingenuous when one has named it the "Almost Church." Almost. Why am I humming that damn "Bowling for Soup" song all of a sudden? )

That having been said, I can seriously get behind the idea of UUs tithing. I've learned a lot about faithful church membership from the Mormons I work with, and the enthusiasm with which they approach giving to their church is really sort of inspiring. It's clear it makes them feel good and like they are a part of something, rather than the approach I see in my UU church of making the whole thing seem like a good financial transaction on the part of the giver. (Which admittedly is an approach so committedly rational that it makes my cranky humanist heart skip a beat. But I don't think it is the most effective approach.)

One of the suggestions the head of our fundraising group had was to make putting in our pledge envelopes a sort of ceremony, with people marching up to the front of the church to ceremonial music. Now CC, who had to stand in front of her Presbyterian church as a kid during a commissioning ceremony for her aunt while her brothers made some completely humiliating chaos involving the baptismal font and a rubber snake (y'all think I'm making this up, don't you?) is not a big fan of standing in front of the church for any reason, unless they let her into the pulpit in which case good luck getting her down. When she goes back to the Presbyterian church, she doesn't take communion by intinction if she can get out of it. (As in, if her mom is not watching.)

But even she didn't react as strongly as the rest of the committee.

Kids, I have seen empirical evidence that it IS possible for a suburban UU church to get whiter, because the entire committee went pale. Two people out of about two dozen (yeah, two dozen, Micheal Durrall might have a point on that one, too.) favored the idea and everyone else totally shouted it down.

Which leaves me with a few questions:

1. Do any of y'all's churches do any such ceremony?

2. What fundraising methods work best for y'all? Anything I should know?

3. Why didn't the title of The Almost Church piss more people off? To me it implicitly makes a theological criticism that had nothing to do with the book's content.

CC

Wahoo!!

CC got a Shorter OED.

Peacebang got a nephew.

Camilla got a ring.

It's been a good few days all around, publishing errors aside.

CC
who digs Camilla's new title "Princess Consort," but herself would like to take a hint from Oliver Cromwell and be "Lady Protector" of someplace, someday.

What fausto reads in Hooters CC reads on airplanes.

FWIW, I am reading "The Dante Club." But I don't have as much of the background for it as I probably need.

CC

Dark night of the soul

So how can one tell when being neurotic and anxious has gone from an adorable facet of one's character and become and actual problem?

Like, when you're supposed to be having a fun long weekend with a friend whom you flew hundreds of miles to see, but you found out two hours before you got on the plane that didn't catch a mistake at work that you could have caught that will cost the bosses a couple hundred bucks to reprint something, and nobody's really blaming you, but you feel really bad about it and you wake up at 2 a.m. and at 4:30 a.m. you're still up and feeling bummed out and unfun?

In a related note, since when does a PDF cut off part of a document. Ever?

Like a PDF is supposed to be a perfect copy. Isn't it?

I mean, the whole office had checked over it in MS Publisher format. I printed it to a PDF and sent it. Ignore me. I'm obsessing again.

CC

What a coincidence! I find deviant behavior fascinating, too! Shall we discuss it over dinner?

Apparently, I'm not alone in my Grissom lust. Slate has a whole article about Gil Grissom as a sex object.

CC
wondering if the CSO is up for one of them murder mystery weekends sometime soon.

CC the bad blogger

I have been SO busy and SO tired this week.

It's not even funny.

will post soon, I swear.


CC

I can't define "pornography," but I've never watched Ghandi at 2 a.m. on a lonely Saturday night

Crossposted at Coffe Hour

This is a shout out, especially to ministers, but I'm happy for anyone to respond.

A close friend of CC's is giving a lay sermon in his UU church next Sunday and has sent CC what he plans to say.

It's a very fine speech for the rotary club, but it's not a sermon. It doesn't really connect personally with the reader/listener it doens't really even mention spirituality.

This person has had his lay-lead sermons criticized by CC before for not being sermons, and what he has written this time does represent improvement. But it's still not there.

It might help if I explained better what differentiates a sermon from a rotary club speech, but I'm having troujble articulating it.

Thoughts?

Articulations?

CC

CC's Fuckedupometer goes off.

I kid y'all not, there is a kiosk in a my not-so-local outlet mall where people in white shirts and black ties are offering "free stress tests" to mall patrons.

What are they selling, presumably to those found to be stressed out?

Copies of "Dianetics."

CC
Who is suddenly in the mood for steamed clams.

Large breasts, but not

Strange night. I hung out with Chris-who-makes-it-happen, Hazel, Ed-who-cooks and the CSO at Hooters, my first Hooters experience. Ed claimed Hooters was a bit of Americana and this experience everyone needed at least once. I didn't see what the big deal was. After all, I've had greasy chicken wings before and I'm pretty sure our waitress was an A-cup with a really good pushup bra.

Ed talked about how he had a public-access cooking show in college and how much he wanted to start it up again. He made it sound really fun and the other four of us were all enthused when he talked about possibly doing it again and offered to invest. Nothing came of it really, but it sounds like a cool thing to be involved with.

CC

Buzzed from the Stress

Ever have a day that is just full of crises, but none of them are your
fault and you can fix all of them and by the end of the day, you're a
wacky sort of high?

That's me today.

CC

UU blog reviews: Vigorous Discussions

This was a week of lots of vigorous discussions.

After lots of vigorous discussion the votes are in and we have winners in the UU blog awards.

There’s a vigorous discussion about rejection of organized religion going on at peacebang Oh, yeah, and Philocrites gets its ads read.

Meanwhile, at Phil's Little Blog on the Prarie Phil is solving some of the problems that the folks at Peacebang are talking about.

At Boy in the Bands , Scott Wells seems to be trying to inspire vigorous discussion on churches that haven't registered in the last few years.

Checking out the statistics, I found that Katy-the-Wise has a nice big church. As well she should.

Ibeth is being profound again.

At MyIrony, Chutney is trying to start a well-deserved vigorous discussion on the fate of the King center. The place of a legacy is always a strange question. Is Martin Luther King's legacy his family's? Ours?

Take it up with Chutney.

Let's keep Sean from Ministrare and his congregation in our thoughts and prayers.

Now, go and discuss! Vigorously!

Braided lives

So I’ve realized why The CSO and I can never divorce,.

Chapstick.

You see, The CSO hates one thing more than just about anything else: ATM fees. He will walk seemingly miles out of the way to avoid paying that extra three bucks.

In a marginally-related note, I have sort of sensitive skin and I’m always getting chapped lips.

And I’m kind of disorganized. I loose my lip stuff all the time.

So we have this informal arrangment.

Instead of paying ATM fees when he can’t find an ATM owned by his bank, The CSO goes to a drugstore, buys a tube of chapstick and gets cash back. The chapstick is cheaper than the ATM fee, so he saves money. And he gives the cahpstick to me. I put it on my chapped lips and put a tube back in my purse, hoping I won't lose it before I have another.

Thus ATM fees, chapped lips and disorganization are all defeated.

Surely two people whose lives align this neatly can never divorce.

CC

Sigh.

You know what really sucks?

Dreaming that you fell asleep on the couch in your office at work and woke up in the middle of the night, and dreaming about picking your stuff up and getting ready to leave.

Then waking up for real and discovering that it's time to go to work.

CC

Well, yeah, they want to rob me blind, but look at those GRE words!

From a peice of Nigerian Scam spam that hit my inbox this morning...

However, we were having some minor problems with our payment system, which have demoralized us. And have cause a lot of predicament to us that are Inexplicable. Which have held us stranded and Indolent, not having the perseverance and Aspiration to devote our 100% Assiduity in accrediting foreign contract payments. We apologies once again for all inconveniences.