I'll summarize the useful information in two points.
1. Don't be assholes during the service.
2. The lady who spoke doesn't know what the word "fulsome" means.
Point one was repeated for by my watch fifteen minutes.
Point two was really the only interesting part.
"Friends? Hah. These are my only friends. Grown-up nerds like Gore
Vidal. And HE's kissed more boys than I ever will."