Thursday, June 15, 2006

One Vagina Story.

A college friend had a story about her vagina, and really knew how to tell it.

My friend had hippie parents, the sort of parents who wanted their child to be able to learn about sex naturally and see her body parts as good things. So they taught her all the proper words when she was very young. By the time she was a toddler, her hippie parents had her quite confidently talking about penises and vaginas. She was well on her way to becoming the kid in Kindergarten who tells all the other kids the facts of life.

(The theoretical Chalicechild would definitely be that kid, too.)

Well, one day around then my friend was in the supermarket with her mom. Being a toddler, my friend was in the little seat in the shopping cart where she was turned to face her mother. However, her mom had put her in scooted too far up, so she was mashed against the bar between her legs.

“Mo-om! My friend wailed, and loudly. “My VAGINA HURTS!!”

There are only so many stares that even a good hippie mom can take. Later on, hippie mom sat my fiend down and gently said that they should come up with a nickname for her vagina. Some people were squares and didn’t want to talk about Vaginas in public.

After a moment of consideration, my friend said “I wanna call it Princess!”

At this point in telling the story, my friend would pause, shifting her eyes downward while you giggled, knowing that you were imagining the tough-as-nails little girl who called her vagina “Princess.”

Then my friend would look straight you and say, a sultry note creeping into her voice, “I still do!”

OK, that’s the only Vagina story I have, so I hope you liked it.



Anonymous said...

Gosh I don't really have any vaginas at all . . . Except:

My mom's friend had a thing about teaching her son all the correct names for various body part. But sometimes he would get things a little mixed up. Like when he and I were watching Wonderwoman and he said, "Wow. Look at her enormous vaginas!"

Anonymous said...

Oops I should have said, I don't really have any STORIES about vaginas.


Anonymous said...

I had a friend whose vagina was named Glida. It's Hebrew for "ice cream".