I actually wrote this a couple of months ago, but I wasn't sure how I felt about it.
Last month, I workshopped a portion of a novel, so I'm not going to put that up on the remote chance that it becomes publishable someday.
Anyway, I'd love it if a few people would read this story and tell me if they think what happened at the end is necessary. My writer's group was divided on whether I should have ended it a page earlier. This point of view mystifies me as I specifically constructed it to come to the end that it did.
Anyway, here's Carrie...honey
Will have a new story in a couple of weeks. Am working on it now. It's horror, which is our theme for March, though I'm going for erotic horror. Our theme for January, when I wrote this, was "Redemption."
I like the ending, it's got a classic vibe.
Good story, CC, and I think it could end either place. I like the inconclusiveness of the first possible ending, making the reader go on by him/herself into a future with a repentent Brad, changed by his masquerade. And I like the solid feel of the second ending, which defines the possibilities for Brad and adds a clear new characteristic to Carrie's persona.
You've got two possible stories here and they're both full of potential.
I agree with those who said it was a page too long. The ending as is is very modern, in the style of authors like Keith Ablow- so much so that I was actually expecting it. You had a nice original twist going with his performing the duties of the costume he was wearing; I would have loved an ending on the theme of costumes.
P.S.- you seem to have gotten contaminated with something that adds odd letters at random.
Cool. Thanks, y'all.
The erotic horror story is going well and has a really different feel. I'll put it up in a few weeks, either right before I workshop it or right after.
I don't know why I'm doing such a noir thing recently.
hey cc, this brings back memories of being in fiction workshops in grad school -- woo hoo.
my general impression of writing workshops is that they are of limited usefulness -- the one thing that workshops are good for is to check in and make sure that what people read is what you meant them to read.
having said that, here's my gut reaction to the story -- the narrator is such an @$$%*!& that i felt no sense of loss knowing he was about to be shot. go git 'im, carrie!! i was ready for him to get his come-uppance from the beginning. so i guess my real question for you is, did you want me to hate him that much? if so, the present ending is really really satisfactory (in a guilty pleasure kind of way) -- but if you wanted me to feel compassion for him, then end it right after he gives the last rites (first time in the story he seemed human and vaguely likeable). either way is fine....
my $.02 worth.
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