Tuesday, August 12, 2008

That's, like, zen, or not.

"Do you crave Pizza?" the google ad asked.

"Not really," I thought.

"Whatever you're craving, the Crave Reader can figure it out. Try it!"

Ummm... OK. I thought. I was needing a break from the tedious thing I was doing anyway.

So I clicked. It made me watch a little video about the Honda CR-V, then we settled down to business.

Is what you're craving "Animal, Vegetable or Mineral, other or unknown?"

Well, I thought, Alan Rickman is certainly an animal.

"Does it like to run?"
He doesn't look like a runner to me, but he is in good shape. Unknown

"Is it larger than a microwave oven?"
Heh. Yes.

"Is it furry?"
Judging by the video where he takes his shirt off, No.

"Does it bring joy to people?"
Hell, yes.

"Can you control it?"
Umm... Well, what Mr. Rickman and I do behind closed doors is nobody's business but our own, I'd say. But yeah, I'd say he can be controlled Sometimes, most people can.

Is it larger than a country?

Can it be used for transportation?

Can you dress it up?
I think, of course, of Neville imagining Snape in the old lady dress in Harry Potter 3. Yes

Does it hop?
Alan Rickman doesn't strike me as a hopper. No.

Would you find it in an office?
Well, Snape has an office but the Sheriff of Nottingham didn't. So, Sometimes.

Does it like to be petted?
Who doesn't? Yes.

Is it worth a lot of money.
Yes, most movie stars are.

Is it brown?
Well, he tans nicely, but I'm going to say No.

Can you stretch it?

Is it commonly used?

Is it usually colorful?
No. He plays pretty drab characters.

Is it subject to interpretation?
Yes. Isn't everything?

Is it a wild animal?
Heh. I always imagine him that way. But I'm going to go with a literal interpretation of that question and say "no."

Does it play music?
I think I've seen him do so in one movie or another, so, "sometimes"

I think I've got it, the website says. Fabulous, because I was getting bored.

What you crave is... YOURSELF!

It shows a picture of a CR-V with a mirror in the back.

I think of Robertson Davies' line "I don't think he means it quite that way. When he talks about Sweden, I think it is a mystical rather than a geographical concept. When he talks of Sweden, he means himself, whether he knows it or not."

And I click away.

who had to go through that whole thing again to write this.


Lilylou said...

Oh, the sacrifices you make for your readers, CC. Thanks for the Rickman moment.

Anonymous said...

Bizarre, but ultimately deep, I feel.

Unknown said...

I realize this is an exercise in futility, particularly against the cultural weight of the Daily Show's "moment of Zen," but I am saddened to see my religious tradition trivialized by this precious term being reduced to mean non-sequitur...

Or not...

James said...

I used the wrong email address for the above comment, which I wish to own...

Comrade Kevin said...

Is this a game you play at summer camp?