Monday, June 09, 2008

And the healing begins: In praise of the ass pat

I am not done disliking Obama’s supporters* but Obama himself did something that really pleased me on the night he cinched the nomination.

I loved the ass pat.

The much-discussed fist bump was good too, and it is already becoming fashionable in my circle of friends. Indeed, it reminded me of how at the Youth Service this year, my beloved YRUUs had the congregation high-five at the greeting of peace. It would seem forced on any other Sunday, but at the Youth Service it was just a little bit hip and silly and a reminder that “hey, we’re going to do things a little differently today, but stick with us, it will be fun.”

There are worse messages Obama could be sending to America.

The fist bump had an awesome “we did this together” vibe, and the ass pat might have been a little more questionable without it, but, yeah, the ass pat was my favorite part. Some have argued that it was, in reality, a lower back pat. But I think we’ve all been in relationships and we all know what a lower-back pat means. (E.g. I’d like to give you an ass pat, but we’re on National TV, Baby. So here’s the next best thing, the close neighbor of the ass pat, the ass pat’s best friend, the sexy lower back pat. Because America is totally into us, and we’re totally into each other. )

Either way, it was completely hot and I really, really liked it.

I’ve heard the bump and ass-pat compared to Al and Tipper’s make out kiss at the DNC after his nomination.

Actually, no, this was WAY BETTER. Because honestly, the Mr. and Mrs. Gore make out kiss looked really, really staged. You could hear the gears turning. “How can we show America we’re different from those tiresome Clintons, whose marital affections were so questionable? Ah, yes, a Hollywood kiss.”

I’ve argued before, and still believe, that Obama is an actual politician, as Rebecca Traister put it in Salon, he “is not, despite what some of his supporters seem to believe, built entirely of altruism and hope and, I don't know, puppies.”

I, as a rule, do not believe politicians.

I have faith in the affectionate marital ass pat.

Nobody scripts an ass pat. I really can’t imagine it being much more than instinctual. The moment was right, Obama felt good, and he reached for his wife. Sexy, natural, confident and so much fun. It was awesome.

I was really sad that night. I still am, when I think about the possibilities. But even as I was being reminded that us gyno-Americans have a way to go, I was still pleased with what I was seeing.

OK, he wasn’t my first choice, or even my second choice. But I have to admit that Barack Obama is an intensely likeable, brilliant guy and I don’t have more than my usual issues with voting for him. He doesn’t believe what I do, but pretty much nobody does. The past sleaziness we’ve learned about so far gets pretty much a total pass from me thanks to my cynicism about Chicago politics. I can’t have a diplomat and I can’t have a woman, but I can really, really live with awesome.

And I suspect America can, too.

Again, I think almost all of the 17,493,836** Hillary supporters will come around, though if Obama supporters wouldn't be jerks about her, that would certainly help. If nothing else, keep in mind that if John Edwards were the nominee and running against McCain, I would in the end, suck it up and vote for him. And I really don’t like John Edwards as a politician, his platform never seemed particularly thoughtful or substantive, he's clueless about economics yet talks about economics all the time and I just get a tremendous asshole vibe from him as a person.

But I'm pro-sexiness and fun, pro-historic achievement, pro-sensible Economic policy, Pro-non-Scary Supreme Court Picks, pro-passion, pro-candidate actually understanding the constitution, so here we go:


Ps. You have no idea how much Chalicesseur love I feel when I look at the post where Obijuan, anonymous, Ogre, Fausto and Lois have started actually writing an elegy for that bottle. You people so know how to make things better when I'm having a bad day.

*Indeed, Marry in Massachusetts made it clear that Hillary wouldn’t be truly acceptable until she “released her delegates” to vote for Obama at the convention. Were this political tradition and had anybody asked it of John Edwards, I wouldn’t care, but as it is a request for an entirely meaningless gesture, (1. If all of Hillary’s delegates vote for her, she still won’t win 2. Her delegates are not bound anyway. After Edwards dropped out, some of Edwards’ said they will vote for him anyway, some have said they are voting for Obama. It’s up to them and the candidate has no real control.) it seems like one more demand that Clinton eat dirt. Even as she leads her supporters in chanting “yes, we can” she’s still really threatening to a lot of people.

Good, maybe the next female candidate will seem acceptably ladylike by comparison.

(Yes, yes, she would almost have to. Shut up.)

** So quit talking down to her, M’kay?


fausto said...

Hillary for Senate Majority Leader!

Richardson for Veep!

Edwards for Attorney General!

Mike Gravel for UUA President!

Anonymous said...

We clearly are plugged in to different places, because I did hear people calling for Edwards to release his delegates and commit to a candidate. Several times.

Anonymous said...

Could you supply a link to this ass pat? I missed it. (I wasn't watching the whole time, though I was listening.)

Chalicechick said...

Edwards was asked over and over to endorse.

Though Edwards never actually released his delegates, Edwards' endorsement was widely regarded as release enough.

I guess merely endorsing isn't embarassing enough for Hillary, though, she has to have her face solidly rubbed into her loss an extra time.

Watching videos at work makes it entirely too obvious to the network admin that you're goofing off, so I'm not going to hunt up the video at least right now. I'd suggest you either trust me that the ass pat happened or google it.

Oh, and Fausto, I'm thinking more like:

Hilary for Supreme Court!

Richardson for Veep!

Laurel Hallman for UUA President!

Mary Landrieu for Senate Majority Leader!


Mike Gravel for Sunnyside Retirement Home Shuffleboard Club President!


fausto said...

Picking Mary Landrieu for Majority Leader when Hillary Clinton is available would be like picking Bob Saget to host the Oscars when Robin Williams is available.

Chalicechick said...

But I don't want Robin Williams on the Supreme Court.


Chalicechick said...

More seriously, I picked her because she was in the gang of 14 and thus has proven diplomacy and working-with-the-other-side skills that would come in handy if the Ds had the presidency.


fausto said...

I'd let Scalia host the Oscars in a heartbeat if he'd only give up his seat on the SC to Williams.

Chalicechick said...

Ok, Scalia hosting the Oscars would be sort of awesome, especially if there were, say, some sort of salute to the contributions homosexuals have made to the industry. He's pretty hilarious when he's pissed off.

But I'm just not down with Robin Williams on the Supreme Court. How about Judge Judy?


fausto said...

I'm not saying Williams would be the best, only that he'd be a darn sight better than Scalia.

Lizard Eater said...

I love the idea of Hillary on the Supreme Court ... and then I think about the confirmation process. And I shrink a bit, and think that a) I don't want that for the country and b) God, hasn't she been through enough*?

*yes, I know she could handle it. And if we have a Dem majority, that are pledged to supporting her, then maybe it's worth it. But it will get ugly, ugly, ugly.

Chalicechick said...

Probably, but all things considered, I'd rather get rid of someone else. Scalia's dissents are so beautifully snarky. I'd like to read more of them.

How about we get rid of Roberts instead, so Hillary can be cheif?


PG said...

I'm not a huge fan of Sen. Clinton for the Supreme Court, because I don't find her very supportive of free speech. But maybe that would stop once she no longer was pandering to social conservatives. There are arguments in favor of getting back a Supreme Court justice with political and practitioner experience, rather than the bench-full of former academics/ appellate judges that we now have. (When O'Connor was replaced by Alito, we lost the last remaining justice who had held political office and been on a state rather than federal court.) A Clinton appointment also would be reassuring to all of us who didn't join the flagship law review of our school that doing so isn't really a prerequisite to becoming a Justice.

Clinton isn't very theoretically minded, but there's probably enough of that on the Court already, and she certainly has the brainpower (there wouldn't be the Harrier Miers problem). Edwards as Attorney General seems like a bad idea, though. He's someone whose success as an attorney was a product of personality more than intellect (he was a great trial attorney but I can't find anything about his being good at appellate practice), and he's only been in private legal practice; he's never worked for the government as an attorney.

fausto said...

If you're looking for someone who appreciates the value of free speech, nobody knows how to speak more freely thn Robin Williams!

fausto said...

Scalia's dissents are so beautifully snarky. I'd like to read more of them.

True enough. Wouldn't it be wonderful if every decision came with a Scalia dissent?

Chalicechick said...

(((Wouldn't it be wonderful if every decision came with a Scalia dissent?)))

That's pretty much what I was getting at, yes.


goodwolve said...

I thought he was made of puppies. You have ruined it for me now.

Chalicechick said...


My favorite thing ever written the comments section of the Chaliceblog was when Fausto wrote:

A guy who decides to relate to the world as an elf can reasonably be expected to be invited to fewer parties.

as part of his response to this post.

But your comment might be second.

Suffice to say, I laughed really loudly.


Cubit said...

Thanks for posting your comments on the ass pat. Here's the video for people who asked:

Take out the returns to view.

Mark Kille said...

I’ve argued before, and still believe, that Obama is an actual politician, as Rebecca Traister put it in Salon, he “is not, despite what some of his supporters seem to believe, built entirely of altruism and hope and, I don't know, puppies.”

Yes, I had an odd conversation with my mother last weekend, where I was surprised that I had to convince her it was a good thing to have a politician occupy the most powerful political position in the country. I've been an Obama supporter for a while, but I guess I somehow missed the "above politics" crowd.

PG said...

Obama's undoubtedly a politician, and a fairly good one at that. I think the people who believe him to be "above" politics are thinking of the Karl Rove politics (and for that matter, the Nixonian politics before that) in which a politician finds the constituency that he needs to reach 51%, and says, "Screw you" to the 49% he doesn't need. The speech Obama gave a few years ago in which he talked about the pro-life physician who wrote him and asked that his campaign site not describe pro-lifers as anti-woman was a good indication that he's willing to reach out beyond his obvious constituencies. The endorsement of Doug Kmiec -- who was refused Communion for supporting a pro-choice politician -- is another hopeful sign. I think we are going to see Howard Dean's 50 state strategy start to bear fruit.