Sunday, May 22, 2011

Smart people in silly hats

So, I'm graduating today. And I'm all weird about it. Chalicessuers, and I do thank those of you who are still around, know that ritual has never been my thing. It still isn't. This morning I'm wondering if I should wear heavy makeup for long-distance photos or lighter makeup for closer-in photos, which is not to say I want any photos at all. Which fashion concessions do I make to formality and which to sitting in 80 degree heat, and will they be immaterial once I'm wearing a robe?

And why does my father, a stroke patient who has a lot of trouble walking without assistance, feel the need to show up at all? Doesn't he remember how graduations suck and how he hates that sort of thing? We all hate that sort of thing, don't we?

After my swearing-in that will be (knock wood) in October, my friend is throwing a cocktail reception. The air will be cool, the photographs will be minimal and the there will be wine. I have remained staunchly agnostic on the graduation attendance of every specific friend or relative who has asked given that I have this alternate event that will be a celebration of the true end of my "becoming a lawyer" experience and will suck a lot less to attend. Cerulean and Forties Girl still might be coming to the graduation, though Jana-who-Creates is wisely waiting for the wine and cheese.

I like the idea that the bar is in July and the party will be (again, knock wood, I realize I'm smart but this is a hard test) in October. It will give me time to reflect on the bar and to get some distance from the tremendous suck that is bar study, though the Rev. Dr. Lifecoach has been making a bad time better by talking me through the process.* I turned in my last thing for law school last Monday, as in, May 16. I haven't had that distance here. Indeed, I was in a clinical program, which is the wussier lawyer version of a medical residency, and it was a truly grueling amount of work. AND in the end I didn't get the grade I wanted.

So at the moment, Graduation feels like "a celebration that Chalicechick no longer has to hit herself in the face with a hammer every goddamned day."

I suppose that alone is worth wearing a moderate amount of makeup and nice shoes.


*If you're reading this, I have started the flashcards.


Lilylou said...

Hilarious that this hard decision should seem so big considering all the decisions that preceded it! Whatever you decide to do about graduation makeup, congratulations on a really big deal accomplished!

Leigh said...

So happy you can stop hitting yourself in the head with a hammer now! Will look forward to celebrating with you in October. You are in my thoughts today. Congratulations!

Chalicechick said...

Y'all are on my mind too. Indeed, I'm wearing a necklace Hillary gave me for Christmas once in the ceremony.

Lizard Eater said...

Wowee! Congratulations! I understand about the multi-step commencement (graduation ... then the bar ... then the swearing-in) as I'm in a similar sitch.

I understand the relief about no longer having to hit yourself in the head with a hammer. Or I imagine I do. I'm not there yet.

In any case, massive congratulations, and more congrats to come in October.

fausto said...

I am all wiggly for you. Woo Hoo!

fausto said...

I am all wiggly for you. I remember when you were trying to decide what to do about grad school. Woo hoo!

kimc said...

Congratulations on finishing and graduating.
I have found that one's own graduation is oddly moving. I sat for a long time in the sun (which I shouldn't do) and listened to lots of speeches, then went to the smaller department ceremony. I know I was moved because I ended up hugging even the one teacher I thought I hated.
congrats again: you have accomplished much, and will do more.

PG said...

Adding to the chorus of congratulations. I think you've done a really great job of law school, regardless of grades -- you've clearly learned a huge amount without becoming a lawyerdick, and that's really as much as one can hope for.

Good luck with the bar! This sounds messed up, but I found that listening to PMBR lectures as I was going to sleep at night was useful; so much of the bar exam essay grading seems to be based on using the correct terminology, so it's useful to have Latin terms you'd forgotten after 1L pushed back in your brain.

Chalicechick said...

As far as I can tell, all good bar study advice sounds messed up.

I will try the sleep thing with my Barbri multistate lectures. Can't hurt. Except if I do the torts one that way, because that man yells a lot.