Stupid Dog's Midnight Snack

Or

Why CC was so cranky at work on Wednesday



You may recall that, like a good kid, I was going to go to sleep.

No such luck.

At 2 a.m., the CSO shakes me awake.

"We've got a problem," he said.

We have never, in our nine months of marriage or our five years of relationship before that, had a problem that necessitated waking CC up. CC sleeps badly and the CSO respects that, to be truthful even more than she does. To him CC's sleep is sacred, a fact that mildly freaks her out as when she was a kid, her father's sleep was sacred and her father hasn't turned out so well. But that's another confessional.

Upshot: Some guys who work for the Chalicemom who had been hired on the weekend to do some work on our house and garage had left something called "Gorilla Glue" lying around someplace and Stupid Dog had chewed open the container, leaving a big glob of glue on CC's Oriental Carpet that she got from her grandmother, who got it from CC's Great Uncle Woody's trip to somewhere nobody remembers 20 years ago. In looking on the internet for how to clean the rug before CC saw it and went postal, the CSO discovered that Gorilla Glue is deadly poisonous to dogs and expands in their little dog bellies, killing them in a slow and vomit-filled manner.

CC sleepily suggested calling an Emergency Vet and waited in bed until TheCSO came up to say that Animal Poison control had said that Stupid Dog needed a vet immediately.

We came downstairs and while the CSO got Stupid Dog, CC briefly mourned the carpet, examining the spot that will always look like a circle of glue four inches in diameter and sniffling for a moment before reciting the homeowner's Greek chorus: "We'll put a lamp over it."

The vet was very nice and very reasonable about the fact that we know nothing of this dog's past as he had been abandoned at our house by CC's other brother Jason (the semi-employable chef who only goes to jail for things like driving with a suspended liscense.) For awhile we had three unemployed chefs living in our basement, which was not nearly as cool as one would think as it turns out that Chefs regard cooking as work and when they are off the clock eat only Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

When the chefs left, the dog stayed. When we asked Jason what the dog ate, he said "Deer."

We asked what he name was and Jason wouldn't tell us. So we named him after one of CC's clients. Jason would later freak out and say the dog's name was "Wolf." Too little too late. As far as his vet is concerned, the dog has the very fine name we gave him and as this incident has us facing the fact that we now own Stupid Dog, soon he will have a dog liscence under that name as well.

At 3:23 a.m., the vet told us that she's not sure if the lump in Stupid Dog's stomach is food or, well, glue. So Stupid Dog is getting a $600 night in the vet's for observation.

We went for breakfast.

"I'll have scrambled eggs, whites only. And toast, but dry wheat toast. A diet coke. And can I get fruit instead of hashbrowns? And bacon. No, just regular bacon."

So now I am back home, having left a message for my boss and hoping to catch a nap before I transfer the dog mid-morning to the non-emergency pet hospital which will be cheaper.


Damned dog.


CC