Monday, January 12, 2009

How to make fire when you're stranded on a desert island

A service to any Chaliceblog readers who are currently or might in the future be stranded on a desert island.

For all of these, you're going to want to find an area that's as open as possible, preferably with no trees over it. Mostly, this is to keep the fire from spreading, but it could also help you get rescued.

Try to get some stones and make a fire triangle. The stones help keep the fire from spreading, as well as insulating and protecting it, and the triangle is the international distress symbol.

Now, a few methods for getting the fire started.

1. The "plane crash" method
Get a nine volt battery, some tinder and a bit of steel wool. Put down the tinder. Put the battery on top of the tinder. Put the steel wool on top of the battery, touching both terminals. Stand back.

2. The "nerd" method
Use your glasses to focus some sun against some tinder.

3. The "I was a boy scout" method
Pull the flint and steel you always carry with you out of your pocket. Use.

4. The "McGyver of the Woods" method
Get a sturdy, but bendy stick and some vines or a shoelace. Tie the vines to one end of the bendy stick and then to the other, forming a bow.

OK, I'm boring myself already explaining this. Here's a detailed explanation.



Joel Monka said...

You missed a few sure-fire (pun intended) methods:

5. The "Talk Show" method: Mention abortion.

6. The "UU Blogger" method:
A. Call UU a "denomination".
B. Claim that the dictionary definition of "religion" mentions God.
C. Insult a SubGenius.

Chalicechick said...

(((Claim that the dictionary definition of "religion" mentions God.)))

Here's the Big Dog's definition:

re⋅li⋅gion   /rɪˈlɪdʒən/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ri-lij-uhn] Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun 1. a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.
2. a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects: the Christian religion; the Buddhist religion.
3. the body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs and practices: a world council of religions.
4. the life or state of a monk, nun, etc.: to enter religion.
5. the practice of religious beliefs; ritual observance of faith.
6. something one believes in and follows devotedly; a point or matter of ethics or conscience: to make a religion of fighting prejudice.
7. religions, Archaic. religious rites.
8. Archaic. strict faithfulness; devotion: a religion to one's vow.
—Idiom9. get religion, Informal. a. to acquire a deep conviction of the validity of religious beliefs and practices.
b. to resolve to mend one's errant ways: The company got religion and stopped making dangerous products.


Comrade Kevin said...

7. The Concern Troll Method

A. Express serious doubts about Barack Obama's ability to effectively govern
B. Say something remotely flattering about Israel
C. Repeat.

fausto said...

6.D. Hold a Sumbel to celebrate heroes of social justice and anti oppression, then wait for the Asatruar to show up and accuse you of cultural misappropriation.

kimc said...

Joel -- What does SubGenius mean?
(My partner works for a company called Genius.)

Joel Monka said...

kimc- see this thread