Duke hires you do admissions work. You've got a bunch of applications that are right on the line. You google the names. You Google "Sam Lamott from Marin County California" and it turns up this essay. Would you be as likely to admit him?
Keep in mind that you have already called him a "jackass" and a "little troll."
Assuming that you are willing to look past this essay and not let it color your perceptions of the kid, do you think that every admissions officer, every job interviewer, every potential date, Sam ever has will be as reasonable as you are?