So, I'm graduating today. And I'm all weird about it. Chalicessuers, and I do thank those of you who are still around, know that ritual has never been my thing. It still isn't. This morning I'm wondering if I should wear heavy makeup for long-distance photos or lighter makeup for closer-in photos, which is not to say I want any photos at all. Which fashion concessions do I make to formality and which to sitting in 80 degree heat, and will they be immaterial once I'm wearing a robe?
And why does my father, a stroke patient who has a lot of trouble walking without assistance, feel the need to show up at all? Doesn't he remember how graduations suck and how he hates that sort of thing? We all hate that sort of thing, don't we?
After my swearing-in that will be (knock wood) in October, my friend is throwing a cocktail reception. The air will be cool, the photographs will be minimal and the there will be wine. I have remained staunchly agnostic on the graduation attendance of every specific friend or relative who has asked given that I have this alternate event that will be a celebration of the true end of my "becoming a lawyer" experience and will suck a lot less to attend. Cerulean and Forties Girl still might be coming to the graduation, though Jana-who-Creates is wisely waiting for the wine and cheese.
I like the idea that the bar is in July and the party will be (again, knock wood, I realize I'm smart but this is a hard test) in October. It will give me time to reflect on the bar and to get some distance from the tremendous suck that is bar study, though the Rev. Dr. Lifecoach has been making a bad time better by talking me through the process.* I turned in my last thing for law school last Monday, as in, May 16. I haven't had that distance here. Indeed, I was in a clinical program, which is the wussier lawyer version of a medical residency, and it was a truly grueling amount of work. AND in the end I didn't get the grade I wanted.
So at the moment, Graduation feels like "a celebration that Chalicechick no longer has to hit herself in the face with a hammer every goddamned day."
I suppose that alone is worth wearing a moderate amount of makeup and nice shoes.
*If you're reading this, I have started the flashcards.