I have real mixed feelings about this article. I've written before about how my take on race issues is sort of naive and squirrelly because of where I grew up. In Northern VA, whites were the majority but there were kids of lots of different races. The difference for us I think was that just about everybody who went to my school was upper middle class. Thomas Jefferson is right. When everybody has money, strife over petty differences tends to fade. There were some poorer kids, but the ones I knew were white.
An African-American girl frequently made fun of me in junior high school because I didn't have designer clothes and wore what clothes I had a little oddly. Nobody thought that was in the least strange. The truly wealthy kids vs. the merely middle class kids was more where our tensions were.
I think the prom king and queen were mixed race my junior year, but I don't completely remember. It might have been homecoming. Or my sophomore year. Wither way, it was unremarkable.
There was an issue once with somebody painting nazi graffitti on the school, but I'm pretty sure that this was less about Jews and more about how nazi imagery is the most upsetting thing a dumbass high school kid can think of.
I was pretty colorblind as a kid, to the point of being oddly so. My favorite illustration of this is that I went to school for something like 12 years with a guy named Miguel Montoya. My junior year he mentioned he was Hispanic. I honestly hadn't noticed. I didn't know that african-americans were supposed to like watermelon until I got to college.
My Freshman year at college in North Carolina, I recall my horror when somebody told me that "Pontiac" stood for "Poor old (ahem) thinks it's a Cadillac." It was the first joke like that I'd ever heard. I recall thinking "Poor old racist doesn't know a Cadillac is a shitty car, too" but being too flat out appalled to actually respond.
Some people I'm sure will tell me that my experiences come from being around people of other races who abandoned their culture and adopted the white culture. They're right. And how much keeping one's own culture vs. assimilating into mass culture is worth is a decision anyone raised outside the mass culture has to face.
(If I had watched carefully how the rich kids dressed and behaved and imitated them, I probably could have gotten away with it enough to blend. Not be popular, but blend. If I had it to do over again, I would do that and just never let anybody come over to my house. But assimilating like that is my choice and it doesn't have to be yours.)
This relates to UUism in that the people of other races who wear dockers and listen to Coldplay and play golf do come to UU churches sometimes. And they fit in just fine. We don't attract people of other races who still behave in culturally different ways though. And we don't attract recent immigrants from Europe, rednecks or any other group of white people who have a different culture.
A colorblind society is possible, IMHO. But we're never going to be a culture blind society any more than we're going to have a high school where rich kids and poorer kids don't harass each other. Whether the cultural tradeoffs are worth it is another question.
CC
realizing that she did not write out the racial slur in the joke she was repeating not because a word in itself can be immoral, but because of her perception that it is a word that only tacky people use. Another culturally-based decision.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Weird stuff that happened today
1. I went by the testing center today. My boss there asked what was up with me. I told her my friend and my grandmother both died. She said, with total sincerety,
"Yeah, we've had two other people's grandmothers die recently. It's going around."
Yep, death of old people is going around.
2. I actually sat down on the floor at my mother's house and played a board game with my mother and brothers. Very strange behavior.
3. Last night I dreamed I was driving a pickup truck full of body bags. I didn't kill the people in them, but I was in charge of seeing them safely to their destination. I guess I was Cerberus.
4. Ok, Ok, people didn't like my old site design. The new one stays until I put something better together.
"Yeah, we've had two other people's grandmothers die recently. It's going around."
Yep, death of old people is going around.
2. I actually sat down on the floor at my mother's house and played a board game with my mother and brothers. Very strange behavior.
3. Last night I dreamed I was driving a pickup truck full of body bags. I didn't kill the people in them, but I was in charge of seeing them safely to their destination. I guess I was Cerberus.
4. Ok, Ok, people didn't like my old site design. The new one stays until I put something better together.
Another death
I'm going to get to put all my delightful ideas about memorial service planning from yesterday to good use.
My Grandmother, the ChaliceMom's mother, died yesterday afternoon. She was in her nineties, it's just one of those things. I wrote this about a night I spent in the hospital with her. She was my last living grandparent, and the one I knew best, which is not to say that I knew her especially well.
This death is much more complicated for me. She was difficult when I was a kid and grew increasingly so as she got older. Losing my grandmother has made me appreciate how easy to eulogize Margaret will be, Margaret never having hit me with a belt.
I looked at two bookstores for a book on funeral planning. While each bookstore had several dozen wedding planning books, there wasn't much to be found on planning a funeral. Found some OK stuff on the internet, though.
My valentines day was pretty much ruined, which wasn't a terribly big deal. It helped a little to imagine my Grandmother reunited with my Grandfather at the big USO dance in the sky.
CC
My Grandmother, the ChaliceMom's mother, died yesterday afternoon. She was in her nineties, it's just one of those things. I wrote this about a night I spent in the hospital with her. She was my last living grandparent, and the one I knew best, which is not to say that I knew her especially well.
This death is much more complicated for me. She was difficult when I was a kid and grew increasingly so as she got older. Losing my grandmother has made me appreciate how easy to eulogize Margaret will be, Margaret never having hit me with a belt.
I looked at two bookstores for a book on funeral planning. While each bookstore had several dozen wedding planning books, there wasn't much to be found on planning a funeral. Found some OK stuff on the internet, though.
My valentines day was pretty much ruined, which wasn't a terribly big deal. It helped a little to imagine my Grandmother reunited with my Grandfather at the big USO dance in the sky.
CC
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Changed my template for a few days
I'll put the other template back up in a bit.
It was bugging me.
CC
It was bugging me.
CC
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
There was a big discussion last year on weddings and the proper way to get married.
I weighed in on a side issue then, but I didn't really do into the larger topic of people who put on goofy weddings. My own wedding was very traditional, but up until very recently, I wasn't given to judging people who wanted Elvis weddings, naked weddings, swimsuit weddings, etc. Let people get married the way they want. Duh!
I would smile and nod when my friends would complain about the tackier sorts of weddings, but I didn't get it.
This was all until my friend's family planned a "Star Wars friendly" funeral. Well, not a funeral, a "celebration of life."
I get it now.
We've done ritual in similar ways for thousands of years for a reason.
That said, Margaret loved Star Wars, possibly more than anyone else I've ever known has loved Star Wars and I know some serious fans. I'm sure in some ways she would have liked the idea of people dressing as Jedi at her memorial service. In some ways, they are saluting her flag.
Stil, the idea of mourning next to someone in a Darth Vader mask has left me rather depressed. "I don't want to celebrate," I was thinking to myself for much of yesterday, "I want to be sad."
I guess when we're figuring out how to say goodbye to someone, we each have different approaches. Right now, I want to mourn and take my deeply felt sadness as a sign of how much she meant to me. Other people want focus on what they loved about her and savor experiences they won't have again because she's gone.
Nobody ever said that saying goodbye in just the right way was easy.
CC
who has written a lot about death and mourning in the past week, but is just posting this for now.
I weighed in on a side issue then, but I didn't really do into the larger topic of people who put on goofy weddings. My own wedding was very traditional, but up until very recently, I wasn't given to judging people who wanted Elvis weddings, naked weddings, swimsuit weddings, etc. Let people get married the way they want. Duh!
I would smile and nod when my friends would complain about the tackier sorts of weddings, but I didn't get it.
This was all until my friend's family planned a "Star Wars friendly" funeral. Well, not a funeral, a "celebration of life."
I get it now.
We've done ritual in similar ways for thousands of years for a reason.
That said, Margaret loved Star Wars, possibly more than anyone else I've ever known has loved Star Wars and I know some serious fans. I'm sure in some ways she would have liked the idea of people dressing as Jedi at her memorial service. In some ways, they are saluting her flag.
Stil, the idea of mourning next to someone in a Darth Vader mask has left me rather depressed. "I don't want to celebrate," I was thinking to myself for much of yesterday, "I want to be sad."
I guess when we're figuring out how to say goodbye to someone, we each have different approaches. Right now, I want to mourn and take my deeply felt sadness as a sign of how much she meant to me. Other people want focus on what they loved about her and savor experiences they won't have again because she's gone.
Nobody ever said that saying goodbye in just the right way was easy.
CC
who has written a lot about death and mourning in the past week, but is just posting this for now.
Happy Valentines Day, y'all
Margaret used to send TheCSO and me Star Wars Valentines every year.
So in her honor...
So in her honor...
CC caves and does a Johari Window
One thing I noticed on beliefnet was that a number of people had perceptions of who I was that didn't seem to match the way I saw myself.
Now this can actually be tested:
Go here and follow the instructions. I'm really curious and it will only take a minute or so, I swear.
CC
Now this can actually be tested:
Go here and follow the instructions. I'm really curious and it will only take a minute or so, I swear.
CC
Monday, February 13, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Well, that's good to know
I caught Desperate Housewives for the first time in a month or so and I have to say it has improved a lot from where it was last time I watched.
Lynette was the least irritating that I've ever seen her and Bree was largely back to her old self.
CC
Lynette was the least irritating that I've ever seen her and Bree was largely back to her old self.
CC
Thoughts on being snowed in without power
1. The world is really freaking quiet. Maybe we humans just make a
lot of noise because quiet reminds us of death.
2. It's amazing what sounds profound at 8am when you're cold.
3. Why do people run out and buy milk when it is about to snow? Any
snowstorm worth its salt will knock out power and turn off the fridge.
I guess you can put your milk in the snow, but still, what's the
point?
4. It only seems to ever snow on the weekends here in Washington.
It's like Camelot in reverse.
5. As a kid, I loved it when the snow piled up and weighted down the
branches of the Ewe bushes. It formed ice caves.
6. Blogging from a blackberry while one's power is out from a
snowstorm irrationally gives one a sense of victory over nature. But
I'm still cold.
CC
--
http://chalicechick.blogspot.com/
"And she suddenly realized that what she thought was freedom and joy
was nothing but anarchy and sloth."
--Norman Juster's "The Dot and the Line"
Wow. Great new blog.
I have to say that so far 2006 has been a great year for new blogs. I'm a big fan of CUUMBAYA, and now Sparks in the Dark is kicking additional ass.
If you're reading this and you like things that don't suck, by all means check it out.
CC
If you're reading this and you like things that don't suck, by all means check it out.
CC
Da-Dum Da-Dum
Though the Pink Panther remake has been critically panned, theCSO and I enjoyed ourselves tonight when we braved the snow to check it out.
It was one of those movies like "Anchorman:The Legend of Ron Burgundy" where a strong supporting cast makes a main character who would be too silly otherwise really fun to watch. Jean Reno and Emily Mortimer are particularly memorable performances.
There's a lot of slapstick, but it is one the whole fairly clever slapstick. When you put Clouseau in the room with an ancient chinese vase, you know it is going to get broken. HOW exactly it gets broken is cleverly done.
And I am a sucker for movies that let the guy who is made fun of for the whole film get some dignity in the end. This is one of those movies.
All that said, judging by what I've read around the internet, theCSO and I are the only ones in the country who feel this way, so you may want to take our reccomendation with a grain of salt.
CC
It was one of those movies like "Anchorman:The Legend of Ron Burgundy" where a strong supporting cast makes a main character who would be too silly otherwise really fun to watch. Jean Reno and Emily Mortimer are particularly memorable performances.
There's a lot of slapstick, but it is one the whole fairly clever slapstick. When you put Clouseau in the room with an ancient chinese vase, you know it is going to get broken. HOW exactly it gets broken is cleverly done.
And I am a sucker for movies that let the guy who is made fun of for the whole film get some dignity in the end. This is one of those movies.
All that said, judging by what I've read around the internet, theCSO and I are the only ones in the country who feel this way, so you may want to take our reccomendation with a grain of salt.
CC
Saturday, February 11, 2006
CC rants about the cops
The CSO likes to say disturbing things like "the police are a force of nature that you just try not to piss off."
Most of the time, I give him a "Now honey..." sort of response.
But I have to say, recent events in my area have me considering the wisdom of his attitude.
Regular readers know that I am a big fan of Radley Balko's blog The Agitator. One of the Balko's frequent themes is that small communities have taken their homeland security monies and bought SWAT teams. Now they are using their SWAT teams to serve search warrants in "No-Knock raids." And when the people inside the raided houses see guys in black storming into their house and, reasonably or not, shoot at them, the cops fire back. Thus we get pretty stories like the innocent housewife killed for pointing a gun at cops who came storming into her bedroom at five a.m.
Well, now Fairfax County has one of those.
On the night of January 24, the Fairfax County police were preparing to raid the house of one Salvatore Culosi. As they approached his house, he came out and headed toward his car. The officers were advancing on his when one of them just shot him for no apparent reason.
The dangerous crime that required a SWAT team to serve the search warrant?
He was a bookie.
An optometrist by day, mind you, but a bookie at night.
People who've been reading this blog for awhile may also recall that the cops searched my house for my brother last year. Though my brother was wanted for rape and kidnapping*, the police came to The CSO's and my house on a Saturday afternoon. Our house was messy and I was really embarassed, but I don't recall anyone having their guns drawn. Five cops searched the house. (And not nearly carefully enough, I might add. If I ever get raped and/or kidnapped, I hope the cops are careful enough to look for the perpetrator behind the Franklin Stove and in the knee-wall attics.) It took about fifteen minutes. No flash grenades, no kicking the door in, no riot gear.
Though come to think of it, no warrant. I just let them in because I had nothing to hide and I wanted them to stop following me around.
It trips me out that next time they come looking for Oliver, they could kick down my door at five a.m. Theoretically, I should be OK because the CSO and I don't keep guns in the house, but not having a gun didn't save Culosi.
CC
*My brother met a 14-year-old on the internet who wanted to run away from home to his house. Later on, she got scared and said that he'd kidnapped her, but the emails all supported his version of the truth. Rather than charging him for rape and kidnapping, I sort of wish they had just made stupidity a crime.
Most of the time, I give him a "Now honey..." sort of response.
But I have to say, recent events in my area have me considering the wisdom of his attitude.
Regular readers know that I am a big fan of Radley Balko's blog The Agitator. One of the Balko's frequent themes is that small communities have taken their homeland security monies and bought SWAT teams. Now they are using their SWAT teams to serve search warrants in "No-Knock raids." And when the people inside the raided houses see guys in black storming into their house and, reasonably or not, shoot at them, the cops fire back. Thus we get pretty stories like the innocent housewife killed for pointing a gun at cops who came storming into her bedroom at five a.m.
Well, now Fairfax County has one of those.
On the night of January 24, the Fairfax County police were preparing to raid the house of one Salvatore Culosi. As they approached his house, he came out and headed toward his car. The officers were advancing on his when one of them just shot him for no apparent reason.
The dangerous crime that required a SWAT team to serve the search warrant?
He was a bookie.
An optometrist by day, mind you, but a bookie at night.
People who've been reading this blog for awhile may also recall that the cops searched my house for my brother last year. Though my brother was wanted for rape and kidnapping*, the police came to The CSO's and my house on a Saturday afternoon. Our house was messy and I was really embarassed, but I don't recall anyone having their guns drawn. Five cops searched the house. (And not nearly carefully enough, I might add. If I ever get raped and/or kidnapped, I hope the cops are careful enough to look for the perpetrator behind the Franklin Stove and in the knee-wall attics.) It took about fifteen minutes. No flash grenades, no kicking the door in, no riot gear.
Though come to think of it, no warrant. I just let them in because I had nothing to hide and I wanted them to stop following me around.
It trips me out that next time they come looking for Oliver, they could kick down my door at five a.m. Theoretically, I should be OK because the CSO and I don't keep guns in the house, but not having a gun didn't save Culosi.
CC
*My brother met a 14-year-old on the internet who wanted to run away from home to his house. Later on, she got scared and said that he'd kidnapped her, but the emails all supported his version of the truth. Rather than charging him for rape and kidnapping, I sort of wish they had just made stupidity a crime.
Thanks to everyone who voted for me
I tied for "Best Religious Writing or Theological Commentary," which I didn't expect to do since Dan Harper's Purple Cows post kicked so much ass.
I won "Best Anecdote or Narrative-Best of Class," which I was hoping for since Anecdote and Narrative is kinda what we do here.
I really think I owe serious props to The Happy Feminist, who sort of sent in her own cavalry and had several times told people my blog was nifty and vote-worthy.
CC
I won "Best Anecdote or Narrative-Best of Class," which I was hoping for since Anecdote and Narrative is kinda what we do here.
I really think I owe serious props to The Happy Feminist, who sort of sent in her own cavalry and had several times told people my blog was nifty and vote-worthy.
CC
Friday, February 10, 2006
CC runs from Rabbit, Run
Last night I couldn't sleep for awhile and read Updike's Rabbit, Run.
Not a good idea. I thought this was a really depressing book. Boy, is Rabbit ever an asshat.
So, I'll ask my well-read readers:
Does Rabbit suck less in the subsequent books? Because I'm curious about how things turn out for him, but I really don't want to read it if so.
CC
Not a good idea. I thought this was a really depressing book. Boy, is Rabbit ever an asshat.
So, I'll ask my well-read readers:
Does Rabbit suck less in the subsequent books? Because I'm curious about how things turn out for him, but I really don't want to read it if so.
CC
Polygamy loves Company? Please...
I take it as a good sign that I'm maturing that I can usually have some sympathy when a church objects to a mainstream media portrayal of them or something they hold dear.
I'm doubly feeling for the Church of Latter Day Saints in the wake of Big Love, an HBO production about a polygamous family of "fundamentalist Mormons." While I have to admit some curiosity about the show, I'm almost more interested to see a sympathetically portrayed conservative christian family than I am to see the logistical problems polygamy entails. (This is assume they take a reasonably non-silly approach to it. Here's hoping.)
I'm a little confused as to why the a government that guarantees religious freedom went to so much effort to wipe our Mormon polygamy when it did. My only real issue with the practice is when the marriages are abusive. (While I've heard abuse happens more in polygamous marriages, my issue is still with the abuse, not the polygamy.) The LDS church made a smart move in its public statement by criticizing the show for glamourizing polygamy and citing that it does often mean abuses. The Mormon church is asking for a disclaimer saying that the LDS church doesn't embrace polygamy to run before the show. Seems fair enough to me.
All that I've said in support of living and letting live aside, I have to say that the three matching wedding rings on Bill Paxton's finger in the publicity photo sort of creeps me out. At least let the ladies pick out their own rings...
CC
I'm doubly feeling for the Church of Latter Day Saints in the wake of Big Love, an HBO production about a polygamous family of "fundamentalist Mormons." While I have to admit some curiosity about the show, I'm almost more interested to see a sympathetically portrayed conservative christian family than I am to see the logistical problems polygamy entails. (This is assume they take a reasonably non-silly approach to it. Here's hoping.)
I'm a little confused as to why the a government that guarantees religious freedom went to so much effort to wipe our Mormon polygamy when it did. My only real issue with the practice is when the marriages are abusive. (While I've heard abuse happens more in polygamous marriages, my issue is still with the abuse, not the polygamy.) The LDS church made a smart move in its public statement by criticizing the show for glamourizing polygamy and citing that it does often mean abuses. The Mormon church is asking for a disclaimer saying that the LDS church doesn't embrace polygamy to run before the show. Seems fair enough to me.
All that I've said in support of living and letting live aside, I have to say that the three matching wedding rings on Bill Paxton's finger in the publicity photo sort of creeps me out. At least let the ladies pick out their own rings...
CC
CC is sad today
Professor Margaret Houston, known on this blog as Margaret-who-loves-pots, died of cancer yesterday morning.
I don't know most of the people who read TheChaliceblog, but I'm pretty sure that just about all of you would have loved Margaret.
She was warm and tough and vivacious and funny and I loved her very much.
She and our friend Joe the Math guy and I spent an entire summer driving up to the city once a week to see "Star Wars:Episode One" in the theater with good sound. I don't even like Star Wars that much, I just really liked them. Joe and I were talking the other day about how it was one of the best summers either of us ever had.
One time, I wanted to set Joe up with my friend Gwen here in DC. Margaret, Joe and I met her at a museum. The theory was that Margaret and I would slip off and leave Joe and Gwen to walk around together, but Margaret had such amazing things to say about the museum exhibits that Gwen forgot about Joe entirely and spent the entire day following Margaret around.
Margaret certainly didn't intend to bogart the attention of Joe's potential date, she was just full of information and delighted to be sharing it, the way she always was.
The summer of Star Wars, I also went on digs with her to a local archeological site. My troweling was apparently sub-par, so my job was to sit there and amuse Margaret. I told her funny stories and she lectured me on what she was looking for. I talked and she talked and she heard weird stories about my screwed up childhood and she said useful things and I heard stories about her wild times in Mexico digging pots in graduate school and I said admiring things. Good times.
Margaret's sister told me the other day that Margaret lived for her students. I had to think about that one for a minute. She probably did, but she never let us know it. Margaret just seemed to always be having such a fabulous time that it never occurred to me to wonder what sacrifices she might be making. Teaching, digging pots and running the little roadside museum of local Indian Culture made Margaret happy, so that's what she did.
She was a really cool person.
CC
I don't know most of the people who read TheChaliceblog, but I'm pretty sure that just about all of you would have loved Margaret.
She was warm and tough and vivacious and funny and I loved her very much.
She and our friend Joe the Math guy and I spent an entire summer driving up to the city once a week to see "Star Wars:Episode One" in the theater with good sound. I don't even like Star Wars that much, I just really liked them. Joe and I were talking the other day about how it was one of the best summers either of us ever had.
One time, I wanted to set Joe up with my friend Gwen here in DC. Margaret, Joe and I met her at a museum. The theory was that Margaret and I would slip off and leave Joe and Gwen to walk around together, but Margaret had such amazing things to say about the museum exhibits that Gwen forgot about Joe entirely and spent the entire day following Margaret around.
Margaret certainly didn't intend to bogart the attention of Joe's potential date, she was just full of information and delighted to be sharing it, the way she always was.
The summer of Star Wars, I also went on digs with her to a local archeological site. My troweling was apparently sub-par, so my job was to sit there and amuse Margaret. I told her funny stories and she lectured me on what she was looking for. I talked and she talked and she heard weird stories about my screwed up childhood and she said useful things and I heard stories about her wild times in Mexico digging pots in graduate school and I said admiring things. Good times.
Margaret's sister told me the other day that Margaret lived for her students. I had to think about that one for a minute. She probably did, but she never let us know it. Margaret just seemed to always be having such a fabulous time that it never occurred to me to wonder what sacrifices she might be making. Teaching, digging pots and running the little roadside museum of local Indian Culture made Margaret happy, so that's what she did.
She was a really cool person.
CC
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Best Episode of Law and Order Special Victims Unit ever!
I should be mature and say that there is nothing at all funny about a strip club waitress taking her revenge for men's mistreament of her mailing out exploding condoms.
But come on...
CC
But come on...
CC
Best Episode of Law and Order Special Victims Unit ever!
I should be mature and say that there is nothing at all funny about a strip club waitress taking her revenge for men's mistreament of her mailing out exploding condoms.
But come on...
CC
But come on...
CC
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