Thursday, June 12, 2008

So, wanna hear about my fucked up nightmares?

Sure you do.

I had this weird series of little nightmares on Sunday night, and I haven't been myself since. I haven't slept well in days.

Maybe it's the nightmares. For lack of something to do as it's two-a-freaking-clock-in-the-morning, I will describe the nightmares I can remember. They were a series, leading in to one another with a sort of narrative flow. I have the impression that I actually dreamed about ten of them, but here's what I remember:

-I screwed something up at work. It wasn't something that was going to cost my firm or a client any money, but it was personally aggravating to my boss, who had to spend (unbillable) hours fixing the situation.

-Sometime later, I was on a field trip or something with ZombieKid* There was a bicycle coming toward us on the road, straight for ZombieKid, I pushed him out of the way, which made him fall into a mud puddle in front of all his friends, who laughed at him. The bicycle swerved in plenty of time and wouldn't have hit him.

-I took him home to get him cleaned up. I drew a bath for him while he played the computer, then told him to take a bath. As he was getting out, my best friend came home and I told her about the mud puddle.

"You didn't give him a bath, did you?"
"Well, yeah, he was muddy"
"Did you put some of the chemical in the blue bottle in the water?"
"No...?"
"Oh God. His skin is really sensitive. You can't give him a bath without his chemical! Now he's going to get a horrible rash!"

-Some time after that, I realize that theCSO's coworkers were't coming over for dinner any more. I asked him about it and he gently explained that his coworkers thought I was boring and that they liked our house, but didn't want to be around me.

I don't remember the others, but as far as I can recall, it was me hurting and embarassing people I care about all night long.

It was like my subconcious was sending me a message encoded in dreams, and that message was "You suck."

It was a rough night, y'all.

CC

*ZK is my best friend's nine year old. He's geeky in many of the ways TheCSO and I remember being as children and we are very protective of him. TheGnome is younger, but a little more savvy about the world. Anyway, I am not related to these children, but they are the children in my life in a fundamental way.

11 comments:

ogre said...

Ick. Subconscious "sending you a message"? Nah. It sounds more to me that it's reporting, rather, on something you're carrying around of the "I am not worthy and I screw things up" sort.

Do we need to figure out how to write poetry for bad dreams for you?

A haiku on a hellish hallucination.
Elegy for a bad bad dream.
Limerick for a lame nightmare.
A fetid fantasy, indeed.

Hey, ain't none of us who don't have doubts and questions about their capacity... who aren't dangerous to themselves and others. Like a certain president we could name. A certain self-doubt is a sign of good things.

But still... ick. What an unpleasant set of one act, gooey hairballs to wake to.

epilonious said...

Those are horrible nightmares. Screw being chased by a wolf or ending up in front of a crowd naked...

It's like your subconcious is deliberately playing mind games with you.

Chalicechick said...

The whole experience was like being tortured by a Batman villain, but without Micheal Keaton in his troubled hotness swooping in to save me.

CC

Ps. Speaking of Batman villains, and, I suppose, troubled hotness, am I crazy in thinking that

A: The CSO kinda looks like Cillian Murphy as Dr. Jonathon Crane

B: Whether or not this is the case, he would look really, really cute with that hair and arguably those glasses and suit.

(This was more directed to Epilonious, who knows my husband, though less informed opinions are still welcome.)

epilonious said...

Hmmm, have you noticed theCSO emitting scary gasses and wearing bags on his head?

I mean, I could see him doing that just to scare the cats but maybe some of it is rubbing off on you too.

Chalicechick said...

Sigh. Ask a silly question, I suppose...

CC

ms. kitty said...

Woowee, bad dreams indeed. Sounds like something has got your inner "competent person" questioning whether that's really so. It's all one's self-esteem fears assaulting one all in the space of one night's sleep. No fun. But they're fears, not real events. Deal with the fear rather than dwell on the events, maybe?

Joel Monka said...

I agree with ogre- while reading your nightmares, I was reminded of a line from a Nevada Barr mystery, in which a character says "If a worm crawled up, I wouldn't be worthy to eat it."

It would never have ocurred to me without having it pointed out, but yes, the CSO does kind of look like him. And the scarecrow was almost as smart as the CSO, too... but the CSO has better social skills.

Anonymous said...

You probably drank too much on Saturday.

Chalicechick said...

Probably.

But I've probably drunk too much a lot of Saturdays without my subconcious going all Batman on me.

CC

SC Universalist said...

CC- these seem to be pretty standard anxiety dreams - the question you need to ask yourself is "Is there things causing me to feel anxious?" and if so, what can i do to decrease the anxiety"
If you're not in an anxiety situation, the question you need to ask yourself is "who's giving me their anxiety dreams and how can i give it back to them?"

Elz said...

What a string of bummers! But where's the love coming TOOO you after your loving attempts to save or serve others fall flat?

That's a daytime function for us. Feel good. Feel goofy. Look at something/one, touch something/one, listen to something/one, that/who reminds you of a moment when love wrapped you like a warm blanket.